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hmmmm religious wedding ceremony? My family are very religious and my fiance's family are atheist.?

My fiance & I have been living together for over 5 years. My family knows this & accept it as my choice. My father is a minister & will be doing our ceremony on our wedding day.He has sent us 3 wedding ceremonies to choose from; one heavily scriptural & religious, one sort of middle ground with one or two prayers and the rest poetry, etc, and the third is pretty much a ceremony with no mention of God accept in 1 or 2 spots. The problem is my fiance likes none of them cuz they mention God. He feels he's being a hippocrite cuz neither he nor his family R religious. I think it's fair & normal to have the 2nd ceremony (middle ground, a couple of prayers for my family's sake, but not scriptural) but he wants no mention of God. I am torn. I don't mind either way, I'm not religious but grew up that way so don't have a problem. I feel like I'm comprimising more since my fam would love a scriptural cermony and I think the 2nd choice is perfect with fairness to both sides. What should we do? Thanks everyone for your input. Just FYI the wedding is on a beach, not in a church. I should've mentioned that. And no, I am not religious but I am not atheist either.

Public Comments

1. I would go with the 2nd. He needs to understand that while his family is not religious your family is. The 2nd one seems the most fair. There has to be compromise and the 2nd choice is right in the middle. If it was up to me, i would be having my wedding on a beach, but religion is important to my fiance and his family so I have agreed on a church wedding. Sometimes we have to give a litlte, and having a little mention of god and some prayers is not going to make him look like hypocrite. The wedding is about both of you, not just him. Sometimes we bend a little for the ones we love. I think you are being very fair. You two really should have a talk now about this and also how you want to raise your children. Do you want to expose them to religion and let them make their decisions for their adult life, or do you want to never expose them to religion. Are you going to baptize your children? This is really a conversation that needs to happen before marriage.
2. Well, I wasn't sure how to answer because you left out how you feel about God and religion in general. I say if you believe, but don't follow too much, then go with the second one... that makes it a compromise between you and him not him and your family. He might as well get used to compromising for you, and it doesn't make him a hypocrite if he is doing it to value you and your beliefs. On the other hand, if you are an atheist also, I would go for the latter one, so your family feels included in the ceremony, but the emphasis would be more earthly, which for an atheist couple, would make more sense. After all, the wedding is more about the two of you (and God if you believe that, but not if you don't), and less about the two families you come from. Good luck with whatever choice you pick :-D!
3. i would go with the second...he doesnt wnat God to be mentioned because of what he believes in BUT he is not being fair to u or ur family because they are religious! i would say the middle ground is best! thats what we are doing for my wedding! both sides need to have a say!
4. 2nd choice, he is being selfish. You dont want to bore his family but you dont want to dissapoint yours, anyway its your day, illl bet like most guys hes not helping out with much, so just plan it your way or tell him he can handle half the preparations for you since he is so interested.
5. I think you should just put the wedding on hold till whenever you can both agree. I feel he should be flexible and show respect to your background and your Dad and your family./Good Luck.......
6. go for the religious. Believe me a marriage without God is no marriage worth the sacrifice. In the five years of living together have you discussed what role God will play in your life? How will you raise your children? You are blessed with a religious family, Im sure they did your best raising you. Give religion a chance and see how happy you will be.
7. My personal opinion would have to be that if your fiance agreed to a church wedding, then you should be able to pick the second ceremony whereby your family will be included and your fiance's family will not feel so badly. Since your fiance's family understand that your wedding will be in a church, the polite thing to do is for them to come to celebrate your marriage, regardless if they believe in God or not. Your fiance should do the same.
8. This is a hard situation when the person you love is not the same as you are spiritually. It's the same with me and my husabnd. personally, I think compromise is in order. He KNOWS your a spiritual person. Even atheists have a spirituality. So make the ceremony more spiritual, romantic, and you don't specifically have to mention God, but acknowledge God using like "heaven above" would be an example. Good luck.
9. Who are you marrying here, your family or your husband?If a religious ceremony, even a vaguely religious ceremony is making the man you hope to spend the rest of your life with uncomfortable then none of the 3 options you have been given are acceptable for BOTH of you. I would sit down with your father and your husband and between the three of you come up with a ceremony that you are both comfortable with. It's his wedding too remember.
10. You can always have both. One for the in laws with a justice of peace or at their home with a few guests. Then one for your parents. I would also relate to him that he interacts in a God society everyday, without being religious. Going to a religious ceremony won't make him a hypocrite. if he bows his head or prayer, that would. Take it from someone who would attend church high, wreaking of weed. Just because you go doesn't mean you believe. If he feels that makes him a hypocrite because of the word God, then ask him not to spend money or attend events because money has God on it and most events begin with the national Anthem, which has god in it. I would tell him to spoke a joint before going to ease his nerves. He doesn't have to respect their religion to respect the wish. and because most men only get married because the woman wants to, it's a ceremony that's for you, not him. and yes, I've been married. And no, I don't believe in a God but I am spiritual and an intellect.
11. If your fiancé feels strongly about the issue and you don't, side with him. Imagine something YOU feel strongly about, and he doesn't - wouldn't you want the same favor? You're marrying him, not your family; your family will be happy no matter which vows you choose, I assure you. It sounds like they are reasonable and understanding people; they have accepted your fiancé, and they are aware of his religious inclinations (or the lack thereof). Congrats.
12. We are having this same problem right now. I am atheist and he is catholic, while he does is not religious in an everyday sense, his family is and he wants this just to please them which I am upset with. He has agreed to not get married in a church, and i am pretty sure he will go for a justice of the peace (we just got engaged, so no definites right now). I know he is making these compromises for me, however i still feel really uncomfortable having any prayer or mention of God at all. I feel a wedding is between the two of you above all else and nothing else should be involved. If he feels very strongly about this, as do I and you are just indifferent or doing it for your family then you should really make the sacrifice for him. He is agreeing to a church and minister, that is pretty big, I think you can at least give him that.
13. I would worry less about the ceremony, and more about the fact that you have chosen a man who doesn't share your beliefs. This is going to be a problem throughout your marriage.
14. In all honesty I'd side with your fiance on this one. The problem is that the ceremony will have things in it that he either doesn't agree with or doesn't believe in. This means it has less meaning for him. The ceremony is for you and him, not for your families. Choose something that would make both of you comfortable and also believe what you're saying/hearing 100%. I went to a French Catholic wedding last year. The bride's family is French but the groom barely speaks any French at all. The whole ceremony was in French! He had to memorize French vows and he didn't know what was going on during the ceremony because he didn't understand. The bride's dad paid and wanted it in French (and the bride wanted it in French to make her parents happy). The groom later said he really regretted that he caved into that because the ceremony now has absolutely no meaning to him whatsoever. I know your situation isn't quite that drastic, but take your fiance's feelings to heart. If something in the ceremony means little or nothing to one or both of you, it shouldn't be there.
15. I would forget the wedding. Do you want to be unequally yoked? For a lifetime. If he is that picky about a wedding ceremony I guarantee you will have way more major issues down the road!!!
16. Make a compromise between what YOU (not your family) and he wants. It sounds like you are not very into your religion, so maybe you actually prefer the 2nd choice to the 1st choice. He wants what is the "4th choice". So the average would be the 3rd choice.