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Wedding ceremony dilemma...which part of the country??

My fiancee' and I are planning our wedding but are having a hard time deciding where to have the wedding. Most all of his family is from the New Jersey/Pennsylvania area while ALL of my family and friends are in Texas. My dad (who is performing the ceremony) is a pastor licensed in Texas and we could use his church for free which is a big plus for having it in Texas. But if we did that that means that it's all his family that has to travel. We also are faced with another dilemma. His family expects there to be alcohol and dancing at the wedding while mine expects there to not be. We've discussed having a SMALL, very private ceremony and then having a Texas reception and a NJ/PA reception. Anyone have any ideas/suggestions??? THANKS!!! :)

Public Comments

1. The small ceremony with separate receptions sounds like a great idea in your case. My fiance & I pulled the "we're having the wedding where WE live" :) But most of the family can drive and just get a room overnight for our wedding. I'm from NJ and now living in PA - - if you need any info for Harrisburg or Lancaster, PA area wedding receptions/DJ/Photographer, feel free to e-mail me. I've researched about a zillion places. Not sure if this is at all within your geographic area, though.
2. I think the separate receptions sounds like a great idea! As long as you can afford both!
3. I say get married in Texas with your dad offiating surrounded by all your family & friends - with the recption the way you want it. I would invite any of his family who may want to make the trip for the ceremony as long as they understand the groundrules about alcohol. Then - I would plan a great big party in his families area - with all the drinking & dancing. That way you are not excluding anybody - it is their choice to attend or not. It is your wedding - it should be what you want. The ceremony is more important than the reception. 1 classy sedate rectption - and 1 celebratory raucous party - sounds like a solution
4. I think you're right on track with a small private ceremony and two receptions. However, I would have the families help out with the receptions since you'll be spending so much time and $ traveling (plus, they don't have to foot the bill to travel to a long distance wedding). Sounds like you're inlaws are completely different from your fam. Might be more fun to celebrate separately. . . just don't get too caught up in planning your wedding for everyone else, it is after all, you're big day.
5. I like the idea of doing the small, private ceremony and reception in TX and the big, drinking, dancing party reception in NJ. Benefits - your dad can do the ceremony for you, free church (they can be EXPENSIVE!!), your friends and family don't have to travel or be offended by alcohol, his family can come down if they want to. Plus (and here's the great one in my opinion!!): You get to wear your dress and everything twice!! Most bride's don't get that option. I've actually known several people who have done this. Especially when family lives in different parts of the country or if you have a "destination" wedding and not everyone is able to make it to Jamaica (for example) for your ceremony.
6. An intimate ceremony with serparate receptions may be a good idea, but also remember that is YOUR wedding and you should have it the way YOU want. Either way, someone is going to have to do the traveling and in my opinion, I think it is very appropriate to have a wedding in the bride's hometown. Keeping things separate would eliminate any drama but would take away from getting the families together and celebrating together. It's your call, but do what you want. This isn't anyone else's wedding but yours.
7. I assume you live in Texas currently? I think that's a deal-breaker right there. It should be where the two of you live together. I couldn't even dream about trying to plan a wedding from far away. I live in Tucson right now, but we are from Denver and plan to get married there because we only moved away temporarily, and I don't have any intention of actually having the wedding until we move home, so I can be there to plan it. As far as the alcohol and dancing goes... I think if each side expects something different, you should provide the most that you can. You should provide alcohol and a dance floor and music for those who want to partake, and those who don't can just mingle and drink non-alcoholic drinks. Why deprive ALL your guests because half of them don't want it. I think it makes you a better host to provide if people want it, and those who don't can do whatever they want. But his family would be bored without alcohol... my family's the same way... a group of us were invited to a wedding of a friend of the family that was dry and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. We left after the cake was cut.
8. We had our wedding in my home town. I planned it from a different city. It wasn't easy but we did it. His family, friends and coworkers traveled to my home town for the wedding and reception. We had a wine and cheese hour the first hour of the reception and the rest of it was alcohol free. I don't know how it is in Texas but where we got married, the bride and groom were responsible if any of their guests drove drunk and had an accident or hurt someone. For that reason and the fact that my family and my DH don't drink we had an alcohol free reception. The wine and cheese hour was for those that do drink so that if they wanted a glass of wine, they could have it in the beginning of the reception. Everyone had a great time and no one missed the alcohol. I definitely wouldn't offend your family by having alcohol at your reception so that his family and friends can get drunk. If his family has a problem with that, they can stop at a bar after the reception and get something to drink. Then the bartender will be responsible if they have an accident while driving drunk. I don't see any reason to go to the extra expense to have a raucous, drunken party for his family in PA/NJ. The reception is to thank the guests for coming to the wedding. If they don't come to the wedding, you have no reason to provide an excuse for them to get drunk on your dime.
9. The way I look at it is the bride should be married in her home town if she still is living with her parents..... Have the small ceremony in texas and the style of reception that your parents expect, especially if they are footing the bill. Then, have a reception in NJ for those up there who couldnot make the weddng, and cater to their dancing/beverage preferances.... ...your solution is the best Good Luck.
10. i like the small ceremony and the two receptions. I would do it in texas because it is quite the big money saver. Check with how your fiance feels about it all.