Wedding Resources - Small wedding ceremony and big wedding reception?

Small wedding ceremony and big wedding reception?

I have a very large family but due to the budget, size of a church we love and us wanting our ceremony to be about the start of our life together, not the extravagence of the wedding, we have chosen to have a small wedding ceremony and sit down meal. We also do not see many members of the family very often so would prefer to have our closest relatives around us. The way we have chosen the guests is to list the people we visit regularly and have a good relationship with and the people that we can talk to at any time about anything. This is not about likes and dislikes but the longing for a small intimate wedding about our love. In a bit of a compromise we have chosen to have a large wedding reception on the evening with everyone we know invited. Once this idea was voiced, my parents will not listen to us and say that I either invite everyone in the family or no one. Can anyone help with this? Do I sound really selfish for wanting this wedding? Any advise would be great. Thank you

Public Comments

I think your parents are being very small minded. What you have decided to do so far is such a good idea and I applaude your reasons behind it. Perhaps your mum is afraid of the flack she might get for not inviting various members of the family to the ceremony. She needs to know that this is YOUR wedding, not hers and as such, you have a right to say what you and your partner want. Period! Be strong hunny and I wish you a wonderful day!
You are to invite the same people to the ceremony, dinner, and dance - no 'second class' guests.
I think what you have planned sounds perfect. Your wedding is about your commitment to each other and about sharing this with the people you love most - not every Tom, Dic and Harry. If you aren't close to certain family members (I'm the same) it is your perogative to not have them at the ceremony - at least they'll still be able to celebrate with you at the reception. Are you paying for the wedding yourselves? if so, you have to stand firm and insist this is what you want. If your parents are paying you may have to acept that they have a say in the wedding plans. Good luck and I hope you have a great day!
its your day, so should be your choice. weddings are so expensive these days that i think most people have to make compromises. i went to a wedding not long ago that was just immediate family for the ceremony and sit down meal (probably no more than 15 people), then everyone else turned up for the evening celebrations. It was one of the most relaxed and enjoyable weddings i've been to.
I totally agree with what you are doing... As Susie says... It IS your wedding and not your parents! Who is actually paying for the wedding? If your parents are then yes, I suppose they will have some input as to who to invite but they must remember it is suppose to be the happiest day of your life... Good Luck :)
You are doing great
We have just been going through the same dilema and the way we have resolved it, is by booking our wedding in secret in Gretna Green. We are going to go off just the two of us and get married with no one there. We are then coming back and holding a wedding reception for everyone, at which we will show the video. Anyone who is angry or can't be happy for us doesn't matter to us, what we decided was most important was that we enjoy OUR day away from all the pressure from family and friends. Enjoy your day whatever you decide to do.
Oh no, no, no! I don't think so! You have just hit the nail on the head yourself sweetie - you know what type of wedding you want and you know WHY you want it. You don't want the world and his dog coming to the wedding, murmuring throughout the ceremony ("Who is she again?"), eating all your food (Why did she have that?"), getting drunk and ruining your reception ("Who's for the Hokey, cokey.Hic?!"). Seriously sweetie, I love the fact you and your fiancee are being sensible and sweet about the whole thing but the most important thing now is to PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! Go strap on a pair and - nicely and calmly - sit the relative parents down and show them this page. Your question says everything you need. Then if your parents can't understand that you're not being cruel or greedy by being selective with the invitations, you'll have tell them - It's OUR day, not yours, and if you're not happy with OUR decisions then I'm afraid you're not welcome. I hope your big day (however small and sweet it may be) is just as wonderful and happy as the two of you want it to be. Good luck xx.
try explaining to your parents that the ceremony is the time that you and hubby to be make your vows before God and committ your lives to each other. Explain that this is a sacred time for the two of you and you only wish those closest to the two of you to witness it. It really sounds like your parents are trying to blackmail you into doing things they way they want them done. I'd try telling them that if they feel that way then you'll have a small private wedding and no reception or just cake and punch for those who the 2 of you invite. If they think you won't budge on this maybe they'll give in. Good luck and best wishes for a happy marriage.
So what you're saying is these people are important enough to be invited to the reception, but not important enough to be invited to the real deal? It is much cheaper to invite everyone to the ceremony, and next to no one to the reception.
I had a very similar argument with my mum in the lead up to my first wedding - my mum comes from a large family and I knew that there would be people there I was related to but who would only know who I was because I'd be the girl in the white frock. However my mum pointed out that the people I was missing off the list were her brothers and sisters and special people to her. Yes you should have the wedding you want but if your parents are helping out financially they should also have some say over the guest list. If your parents are not helping out on the money front then I think you have to try again to explain how you just can't have the wedding you want with that many people there. Alternatively you could do what I did the second time and let the wedding be truly about your love and elope and tell no-one!
the reception is the biggest expense in your budget, so if you can afford to feed all those people, why cant they come to the ceremony, where it doesnt cost a penny more to have a lot of people or just a few?
I attended a wedding years ago in a small chapel. Afterwards, about 100 people attended the reception. The wedding was very intimate, and I think the couple didn´t feel comfortable saying some things in front of a lot of people, but were ok to party with them afterwards. Small wedding ceremonies are LOVELY-we married in a small chapel and my Dad said it was his favorite wedding of everyone he has ever seen marry-and he´s 70 years young!
if you have a small wedding, one is supposed to only invite immediate family. this includes : brothers sisters parents and grandparents. it does not include any extended relatives. if you invite some of the extended relatives and not the others-- it will seem like you are playing favorites and will offend some family members. i hate to tell you this but your mother is partially right.
are they paying for the wedding and reception? If so then I say do it....If not then say thank you for your opinion but we can't afford to pay for a expensive wedding period....nothing else to talk about.
This is not selfish at all. In fact, this is becoming more and more common with couples. I know you don't want to upset anyone, but the important thing to remember is that this is your day. You have the right to have the ceremony the way you want it, and I think that choosing to have a small, intimate ceremony is great. By having the larger reception, you are still inviting others to participate in your special day. You should not have to compromise the location you really want (the small church) just to accommodate more guests, if that is not what YOU want to do. As a compromise, you could have a video made of your ceremony and show it at the reception, so that others feel that they were a part of your big day. The bottom line is that it needs to be about you and your fiance celebrating the love you have for one another in the way you choose. If it's small and intimate, then that decision is yours to make. There is always going to be decisions in the wedding planning process that not everyone agrees with, whether the ceremony is big or small. The important thing to remember is that you and your groom-to-be are happy.
hi there , i had the same problem, my mum is one of 13 and there was no way i was going to be able to afford for them all to come in the day . my mum agreed with me so i was lucky . I invited the aunts and uncles that i saw regularly and the others were invited in the night. if they didn't like it , it was tough. we had a small wedding day and a huge party in the night it was perfect. When you have a big family it is difficult , but you have to remember that it is your day and if you cant afford for all your family to come then that's just the way it is , if they are desperate to come then they should offer help towards costs , they should realise themselves being in large family is hard and respect the fact that not everyone is a millionaire ! lol What i did however tho was i bought special favours for the family members that i couldn't invite in the day and gave them to them in the night , they seemed happy enough , but by that time i didn't really care because i was enjoying myself too much ! hope everything goes well for you and you have the best day of your life xxxxx
It is YOUR wedding. Are your parents seriously going to stop anyone from coming? Everyone knows the expense of a wedding, and will understand your plans perfectly, it's not as if you are leaving just one person or family from the ceremony is it? Go with your plans, and don't allow your parents hissy fit sway you. Is there a relative they will listen to? Good luck! xx
Not selfish al all - what a thing for your parents to say!!! This sounds exactly like what is happening at my wedding, my father is the youngest of 12 children, each having at least 3 children of their own and some with grandkids. my mother is the youngest of 7 again with each having at least 2 children each and some with grandkids. My partners family, is the same, so our list for the actual wedding and wedding breakfast includes very close friends and relitives that we see regularly. Our evening do is going to huge as thats when we're inviting everyone else (those that you only generally see at weddings, christenings and funerals) Good luck, hope all goes well for you x x x