Wedding Resources - miserable about wedding?

miserable about wedding?

i am getting married in a year. it is time to set dates so we can get the venue of choice since most everything is starting to be booked for my month. my mother has said if we don't have it in disney world she won't attend. my father in law said the other night he was going to bribe us with a rather large down payment for a house to have it in town. now i just want to run away and elope. my mother screams and yells and hits me about it. she gets so angry. my father in law gets on to my fiance. i have cried for hours at least once a week to the point of a headache. i have been sick (hypothyroid) and have gained 80 lbs so i'm not even excited about the dress; but we had my thyroid tested and all is well so i'm working at losing the weight. is it best at this point to elope? i'm 28 and finishing some classes (i have my bachelor's degree but am working on getting computer certified, a goal i've always had) and working part time, and he's 25 just out of school. what should i do? wow thanks everyone! *sniff, sniff*(lol) ... my fiance and i are actually finally moving in together in august. my mom's going to be gone for a week and we're packing me up and going. (going back to school set me back on apartment fundage sadly) then i can decide what to do from there. i know i want a wedding in october, because that's our anniversary. i adore disney; i worked and lived at disney world, so that's part of the reason i want to get married there. money won't be an issue come fall. i will be certified, and my fiance will have the job of his choice once he gets his diploma (x ray tech), and his dad's pretty much going to help pay for everything anyway (yea, luckily money's not hurting too much). i don't know how mom is going to react to all that, but i need to get away so that i can plan my own wedding. i REALLY want an elegant little wedding at our local garden club (it's GORGEOUS) in october with catered food and not an awful reception. thanks everyone; :-) 'getting outta there' is easier said then done. i went to look at apartments and the jobs that are out there won't even cover bills for what i would need. the lower rent apartments have sleazy people and are always in the news about drug busts and guns. the higher apts are like $600 and the average paying job is only 10.50 an hour around here. that's why i'm going back to school to get certified. i also have a car payment (i did the used car thing and it doesn't work) and am working on paying off my internship. moving out is easier said than done. i probably would have a nice little elegant wedding here in town if my mom didn't give so much grief. that way the wedding could be paid off quickly. i know i'm 28 and should be out on my own but i've been dealing with an illness that has been difficult for quite awhile and also my father died a few years ago. sooo .... life's been tough. just a little bit. i am job hunting for a higher paying job and am hopefully going to be done with certification by fall and have a great office job or HR position somewhere. every time i try to move out and have things together my mom screams and cries and calls my cell phone 14 hundred times; i lived on my own in florida for awhile and it was miserable dealing with mom. lol. yup. i worked for walt disney world. i know how expensive it is; that's why i keep trying to talk her out of it but she goes balistic whenever i do. also i'm job hunting because i recently graduated college and she's going nuts from that. the pineapple we cut up the other day was really really good though .

Public Comments

Keep in mind that the wedding is just ONE DAY. No need to stress over so much. Do whatever it is that will make you and yur fiancee happy. Remember, it's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage.
if you don't need monetary help, elope, esp if you were going to have a small wedding anyways.. but why not have your mother call his father, let them talk...i know it sounds stupid....but you might get somewhere with that! Good Luck!
take your father in law up on his offer have the wedding locally with everyone around you and tell your mother to get some perspective and help for abusing you, she hits you? wow have the wedding you both want, tell your mother she is welcome to attend, and leave it at that good luck, sounds like you'll need it
It seems that anytime I involve someone in my wedding plans, especially my mother or sister, that I want to throw in the towel and elope! SO - you are not alone in getting pressure from family. What you need to decide is what you & your fiance want and how you will be paying for it. IF you & your fiance are paying for it then you should have the wedding when and where YOU want - - not where someone insists or bribes you to have it.
Dont stress on it, take all the time that you need.
Well I think that's horrible that your mother is threatening to not attend. What is it with some of the others I read about on this board, everyone's mothers seem to act like children when it comes to their children's weddings. I think it would be a good idea to stay in town for the wedding, you do want some friends and family to be there to celebrate with you. You could also elope, if that's what you really want. If you aren't excited about planning it, try meeting with a co-ordinator, or talking to a friend that has recently planned a wedding for some help. Keep it small, keep it the way you want it. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable or wary about the day. Good Luck!
Oh honey, I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't believe that your mom is having such temper tantrums over YOUR special day, let me say again...YOUR day! You've said that you're looking for a venue, which sounds like you want to have it locally...so if you feel compelled to have to choose between your mother's idea of a disney wedding, which I'm assuming she'll cover the full expense or to stay local and take up your f-i-l's offer for a substantial down payment on the house...honey, during these troubled economic times, go for the house! IF you want to pacify your mom, let her host a huge after party at disney and pay for all the guests to fly/drive in for the fun!
I would find a way for you & your FI to pay for your wedding on your own. That way you are responsible for all decisions & are not obligated to discuss any plans with anyone else. I do think couples should consider their guests, but you need to do what's best for you. Tell your mother to take her own vacation to Disney World; tell your FIL to back off too. Good luck & try to find some peace within yourself. Try focussing on you & your fiance - your health, commitment to each other & your internal happiness. It will come together.
Elope. You have two parents bribing you to have the wedding they want you to have, not the wedding you want to have. They are both acting like children. By the way, why in the hell does your mother want you to have your wedding at Disney? I'd rather die than marry there! And you said your mother is actually being physical with you? You make it sound like your family is very dysfunctional and have many more issues to address besides where your wedding will be.
It's best to do whatever it is that YOU want to do. If your mother yells and hits you about where you're having your wedding, why is it that you even care if she's there or not? She sounds like a miserable person...don't let her bring you down too. The best thing to remember is that it's YOUR wedding, no one else's. Do whatever it is that you want to do and forget about everyone else. It's not their decision, their day, or their life. Also, keep in mind that its never about the wedding...it's about the marriage. People often forget what a wedding is all about in all of the planning, as I can see your mother and father-in-law have done. As long as you stay focused and think about what it is that you and your fiance want, then you'll make the right decision for you.
I'm sorry but you're 28 years old, your mother should NOT be HITTING you!!! It's time to elope and get out of that hell-hole.
at this point, i would elope. have it some where quiet and peaceful. you are a grown woman for your mother to be heating and screaming at you like that. if she do not attend, better for you because shes only going to make matters worst. its whatever you and your fiance agree on, noone else should matter.
Umm, I think the bigger issue is that you let your mom hit you at the age of 28. She would be out of the picture completely if that were me, but that is because I don't put up with things that give me grief - I get rid of them as life is too short to deal with that crap. Back to the subject at hand. Tell your mom that the subject is closed and you will not be discussing the issue with her. Tell the father in law that you will not be accepting any money for a house from them as an incentive to picking a venue close to them (you do NOT want your in laws to get weird about what you do with that money and which house you should buy since they are putting the money down, etc.). Sit down and talk to your fiance about how YOU TWO want your wedding, not anyone else. If it sounds perfect to get married by Elvis in Vegas, then by all means do it. If it seems perfect to go to City Hall and get married, by all means do that, etc. If your parents have issues with it then that is their issue and not yours.
at 28, hunney, mom is hitting you? move out. Why are you still living there? life's too short! geez! edited to add: i went back and read some of your other posts. your mother has been physically and verbally abusing you for some time. you are not responsible for her because she is a widow. your BF has indicated it's ok for you to move in. do yourself a favor.
Although the bribe from your father in law is tempting, if you give him his way on this one will he demand it on other aspects of your life? My ex-father in law got my ex to agree to a home. Then after the wedding took over our lives, even to the extent of not letting me go food shopping! Said I needed more training! So will yours pick out the furniture, the time to have a family, on and on.......
Hi. If I were you, I would have your elegant little garden wedding (sounds beautiful to me), and take his father up on the his offer! Ummm....your mom.....Do you live in Florida? Does she know how EXPENSIVE a Disney World Wedding is? It is beyond expensive. You have all the "limits" you must meet for food and beverage and then you MUST stay 4 nights on a Disney owned property and guarantee them (Disney) a minimum of nights (for guests). I think the "basic" Disney wedding is $10K (without the overnight stays added on or food and beverages.) If your mother refuses to come....oh well. You will have your lovely (paid for!) garden wedding. I would not elope, I take your fiance's father up on his offer and go with what you want. Good luck and I hope this helps!
Putting aside the issue of your mother's abusive behavior (which is serious and should be addressed, especially if you have younger siblings who still live with her or plan to have kids who will be around her), the first thing you need to do is decide what will make you and your fiance happy. Once you have this decided, sit down with your mother and your future father-in-law (either one at a time or with both of them together) and explain that you have made your decision and it is final. If your father-in-law will only give you the down payment on the house if you have the wedding where he wants, that's his business and he has to decide if having the wedding nearby is really more important to him than his son having a nice home nearby. If you mother is going to act like a spoilled child yelling "I wanna go to Disney World!", fine. She's the one who will have to live with missing her daughter's wedding for selfish reasons. Your wedding day is about you and your fiance making a lifetime commitment with people who love you and care about you there to celebrate with you. If your mother and father-in-law care more about their own wants and needs than being happy and supportive to their children, you may not want them there anyways.
Ugh, are you kidding me? To have your own family members give you so much grief about YOUR wedding day! How dare they! Well, your mother is being rediculous. If she's shallow enough to boycot your wedding if you don't have it where she wants it, oh well. Someday she'll regret not going for something so silly. Hopefully she'll realize how immature that is, before she makes a mistake like not coming. Does she even have a good reason for wanting it to be there, like she got married there, or something? That's awfully nice of your future FIL to offer you money, but kind of mean of him to bribe you with it. Would you have it in town, if your mom didn't insist you have it at Disney World? If so, I'd go with that. Down payments on houses are pretty nice, especially if that's what you wanted anyway. Bottom line is, you shouldn't be crying for hours about these things. The people around you, who are supposed to LOVE you and support you, are putting a LOT of unnecessary stress on you. And for that, I would say yeah, you should elope. It's not worth all this. If that's really what YOU want to do, then just go do it. But, you do what you want.
Run off to Vegas and have a wedding you always wanted.