Wedding Resources

Depression about my wedding, any advice?

Ok, this is probably going to sound stupid, but my fiance is paying for our entire wedding and honeymoon. I don't have any money to pitch in for the wedding, I'm still living with my mom and I'm trying to help her out financially. With rising prices of gas and groceries, we can barely afford to live out here, mom doesn't make much and neither do I. My fiance just got a great job and he is going to be the one paying for our wedding, he's already told me he's ok with it and plans to do it. But, I don't want him to pay for everything! I don't think it's right, and I want to do my part to pitch in! He knows I can't do it, and he knows I've worked hard to plan everything so far, so he's leaving the planning up to me. I just want to be able to contribute something to the wedding, even if it's small. We've cut down on everything: eloping now and going to cabin instead of Disney World. I'm wearing an old prom dress. Any ideas on how I can help him out? Even if I have no money? The wearing the old prom dress idea was mine, and I simply want to wear it again so bad! We're having an elopement, and he's paying around $3000-$4000 for the wedding and honeymoon. I just don't feel like he should have to pay it all. My mom can't really afford to host our wedding, and that's why I'm still helping her out, trying to get her caught up. He understands that this is very important to me, my mom really needs this help, and he is just ready to jump and take action! It's so sweet, and I know it's because he wants to get married, I just want to help him. Or do something nice for him to show him how much I appreciate this.

Public Comments

1. if he wants to pay, let him! Just do all the planning and tell him where he needs to be and when. You can be the planner instead of hiring one. Give him massages, make him good meals, etc... That's how you can pay him back. Men loooove those things, trust me ;)
2. It's going to be YOUR (plural) money after the marriage anyway...so let him pay for it. I would be depressed too if I were wearing an old prom dress to my wedding...get yourself a WEDDING dress. No matter how small the wedding, you need a wedding dress. That is what makes you feel like a bride.
3. Traditionally, the wedding is planned around the brides budget and family circumstances. Keep it very simple.
4. If you don't have the means to pay right now then let him do it. It sounds like he is okay with it. Just think of all the time and effort that you are putting into the wedding. All of your research, etc. You doing the actual planning is a big part of it. Just help out where you can. Try to do a lot of research to get the best deals, etc. You could always get a second job, sell some stuff on ebay, babysit for extra money, etc. in order to pitch in and help out.
5. I agree with lunchbox...Get yourself a wedding dress!! I am getting married by eloping also, and I bought a nice dress on sale at Sears. It isn't an "official" wedding dress but it is beautiful and fits great. I think if you get a new dress to wear it will make you feel better. I know how you feel about it, I always feel bad about those sorts of things too. I wouldn't worry too much about the financial issues of the wedding, at least he has the money to pay for it, otherwise you probably wouldn't be going anywhere! Besides, once you're married your income is together anyhow.
6. the fact that you want to is enough - he wants to do this for you than he loves you... you want to pull your weight so you love him i recently lost my job and got a new one that doesn't pay much at all - my fiance says the same thing every time i feel like i'm not pulling my own weight - "i would only mind if you didn't want to help" - and i'm sure that's how your guy feels. make sure he keeps knowing that you want to help and let him do it - i'm sure it makes him feel good
7. So have a small wedding! Make your own wedding cake, invitations, everything you think you have the time for! Let your fiance splurge for the honeymoon, maybe even supply the funds needed for your small, simple wedding. I don't think I'd be able to let any possible future hubby of mine pay for EVERYTHING, or even a majority without feeling bad, so I understand where you're coming from; our parents taught us good values :) Good idea with the prom dress! Wedding dresses are so over rated; they don't make or break the wedding, in my opinion.
8. This is his gift to you in return for accepting his hand in marriage! Let him do this for you. I know it's hard but relax and just keep it simple and small. Just a couple of family members at Justice of the Peace followed by a nice dinner. And yes, you should be happy and FEEL like a bride. You can find great bargains on nice Gowns, you just have to look. David's Bridal (if in your area) offers a $99 Gown sale practically every other month! Keep an eye out for offers like that. This is his day too and it sounds like he's willing to do what it takes to make this shared moment a special and joyous occassion, which it should be. When your 10 (or 20) year anniversary comes around and you can do something big for a renewing of the vows then go for it. I think you would be helping him out more by accepting his offer and allowing you two to have a little fun with this...don't get yourselves into massive debt but at least enjoy yourselves and be happy about getting married rather than dreading it. Best wishes to you both!
9. Stop worrying about it! You're getting married, everything's going to be "ours" instead of "yours" and "mine". I'm sure he's well aware of your situation and wants nothing better than for you to calm down and stop stressing about it. P.S. "He" is not paying for it... "You and him" are. This is what marriage is about - combining your lives.
10. It sounds like you are marrying a really sweet guy. Let him pay what he can for both of yours special day. You will be contributing to the household account soon enough and helping out!
11. he seems ok with it, so I do not see why you ar not. I actually think that is the way weddings should be- have the groom and his family pay for the wedding- it is his gift to you for accepting him.......and one more thing........GET YOUR WEDDING DRESS!!!! there is nothing wrong with that, my mom and my dad married over 20 yrs ago and he didnt get her a dress and my mom agreed to that back then, but know she is sorry she didnt make him buy it to her..... Whaterver your desision is i wish you luck on your wedding day and that your marriage lasts till the last day of your lifes.
12. he loves you and he likes to pamper you..Be happy and show your love for him every day and that is all he will want in return.Cook good meals, treat him like a king, these things dont cost money and its not about money.Buy him a meaning ful gift you can afford..