Wedding Door Gift Knowledge Base
Wedding gift help....? My husband and I just moved and our next door neighbors invited us to their upcoming wedding. We don't know them very well, but would like to be friends, so we are planning on going. However, they are not registered anywhere so I'm not sure what to get them. Any ideas? I thought maybe cash/gift card, but I'm not sure how much or if that is even appropriate since we just met. Help!
UK wedding evening reception dress and gift one weeks notice please help!!!? Hey guys, Could anyone please advice our next-door neighbours invited us for their evening wedding reception which is only a week away (well, we’ve been on holiday for some time so they couldn’t get hold of us much earlier). 1)would it be very rude to decline the invitation, we’ve already been told not many people are actually coming, it’s in some castle an hour’s drive away 2)if it was very rude to decline how much would you give and what (e.g. IKEA or Tesco shopping vouchers £20 or how much is appropriate?) we’re not really close but sort of chat every now and then since we moved in our house two years ago. 3)There is no dress code stipulation on the invitation so should I wear just some summery dress and my husband black tie suit or normal suit – at an absolute loss please help!! Please answer as soon as you can, not much time to go shopping really only this afternoon or tomorrow, Many thanks
Wedding etiquette - stolen gifts? My daughter recently got married and has discovered that a few packages (wedding gifts) sent to her apartment have never been delivered. This is only happening with UPS deliveries to her door (supposedly left without signature when she wasn't at home). The way she discovered this was because of friends who actually called to say, "Hey, did you ever get my package?" - good thing they did!! My question, though, is: Is there a polite way to let people know that you have discovered package theft, without sounding as if you are saying, "Hey, I didn't get a gift from you..." She really doesn't want to be the bride that someone thinks was too rude to send a Thank You note. I've read that you shouldn't say anything about "missing" gifts, but would that be true even when you have experienced actual package theft??
What would be a good thank you gift to a 6th grader? We live about a block from school. The girl next door is in 6th grade she walk our preschooler up to school 3 times a week. Mon Wed and Thur. It's not that far but i would like to get her something to say thanks. what would be a good gift? Or a good amount of cash to give her to let her get herself sumthing
Does anyone know where I can buy a personalized "Love is..." door mat? My parents have this adorable mat that says "Love is... Hisname & Hername." It is from the "Love is..." product line that has the cute naked man and woman. They also have some glasses that say "Love is... giving and forgiving." and other sayings like that. I really want to get the doormat for a wedding gift.
Is it rude to leave a present in the door to someone you know is home? My birthday was friday, nov. 28. I went to open my door today, wed. dec. 3 at 12:30 and there was a birthday present to me from my sister in-law. She knew I was home because the car was in the driveway, the lights were on in the house and I'm sure she had to have heard the music was on. Believe me know matter what her excuse would be there is no way she would ever do something like this to anyone else, friends or family, except maybe her brother - my husband. I've put myself thru major anxiety in the past because I would've liked to have avoided seeing her by doing the same thing (leaving a gift at the door for b'days, holidays etc all the while knowing she/family is there in the house) but knew that it would be rude. I also knew that it would create quite a stir in my in-laws family if I did so, especially if she was in my situation (3 yr old at home and in the middle of a high risk pregnancy) If I had done something like this, boy I would've really looked like the bad guy because all my in-laws protect this narcissistic and 2-faced person. She is and comes from a very passive aggressive family that denies when asked "are you upset with me?" She is also not the only narcissistic person in this family. I know that if I were to mention this to anyone in that family (which I've learned from in the past not to) I would get excuses for her behavior. Am I overreacting? Is it rude? It really seems like such a silly, petty thing to be mad about but I feel like I need a reality check. I feel like it's not fair because I've done things for years that I didn't feel like doing but it's okay for her.
Is a small wedding and a large reception inappropriate? I am tying the knot next november. I am very excited. my only dilemma is i want a small wedding and I have a big family. I want a small out door wedding (no more than 50 people). I am not close to my mothers side of the family at all. In fact I have not spoken to them in over a year, they are rude to my mother and never ask how she or we, her children and husband are. More than this I do not like to be in front of large crowds, even the idea of 50 people is scaring me. Still my mother wants me to invite them. How "rude" would it be to consider this: having the small wedding, doing a small party type reception after, going on our honey moon and when we return having a large reception where we will do the typical traditions (ie throwing the bouquet, first dance, etc, etc) we could even put on the invitations "no gift required" or something so people don't feel like we are only doing it for the gifts because thats NOT it al all. it is just that this is supposed to be the best day of my life and I know it cant be that if I am stressed, my mom is stressed, my family is stressed with everyone there. we thought we could play the ceremony on a screen at some point to, maybe before we come in so they don't feel totally excluded.
Question about homecoming gift..? My husband will be coming home soon after a 15 month deployment in Iraq ..for his welcome home (birthday, re enlistment, christmas, & wedding anniversary) gift. I bought him a 2007 Ford Ranger FX4 Level ll truck in his favorite color and with all the extra goodies. But my question is... should I have someone drive to the homecoming and I put a big welcome home sign on it there (I cant drive it because I have to drive my son and other family members and we wont all fit in the truck) or should I park in the garage and let him open the garage door? What would you suggest? toocan..thats a cute idea.. yeah i had a 6 cd pioneer sound system put in it
Pissed off peeing cat about to lose happy home.? So my cat has a bigger issue than the occational opps. She does it out of spite and I do not know why. We have always rasied happy healthy cats.. Well now we have one that we raised from birth like the rest of our kitties. However this one likes to pee everywhere. From the counter to the kitchen floor to our wedding gifts. The other day she jumped on my fiances lap ( her owner) and actully peed on him. Not a little bit but an " I was saving this for you buddy" pee. I am hoping someone can give me some insight because otherwise this 3 year old cat is out the door. she did this before. Had a UTI. but never stopped doing it even after she was all better from it. I would gladly take her to a shelter.. she would make a great barn cat. I would even keep her outside if I knew how. I have 4 cats... all indoor outdoor come as they please.. All fixed. She is the Daughter of 2 of my cats. so it's all in the family. how ever I don't know how to keep her outside when i let the others in. Especially Because winter is just around the corner. Any other Ideas because the closest shelter is a 2.5 hour drive away. I do'nt see jealously as the thing. Nothing has changed since she was born still in the same house.. no one moving in or out we both lived he when she was born. And she is his cat not mine.. so if that were the case... she would have peed on me for more attention. Not him... he is always playing with all of them. So that can't be it. As far as the UTI I thing. She still did it on anti biootics off them.. Didn't matter. Man why can't there be more farms around...
She tried her best to ruin my kid's wedding!? Here's how my husband's "sainted mother" (yes, that's what he always called her) behaved when she came for my daughter's wedding. Tell everyone who's nearby how her stepson, who was broke, had to buy a suit from the Salvation Army to attend his daughter's wedding. It was 2" too short in the pantleg, thereby embarrassing her to death.. Show us photos of her step granddaughter in her "foolish wedding gown" that she'd bought from JC Penney. Stupid looking sleeves. Guess what! Identical to my daughter's gown. find out that my DH had to pay for the rehearsal dinner as well as the wedding. Go to this rehearsal dinner, order the cheapest item on the menu to save her son some money. Even tho the waitress told her there wasn't any chicken thawed out so it would take longer to do this. And then, loudly demand her dinner, complaining because it took longer. Stating she was diabetic & needed to eat on time. She was NOT diabetic. Dinging her knife against her cup, till the bride told her to knock it off, right now, please. Seeing that her son put a nice sized tip on the table for the waitress, she picked up the money and put it in her purse. Once at home, she gave her son the "money you forgot on the table at the restaurant." Then blew a gasket because I told him to give me the tip, as I had seen her steal it and put another tip down for the waitress. Gave the bride a pretty pearl necklace to wear at the wedding, then saw that the bride ALSO wore a costume jewelry pendant given to her by her 12 year old new SIL. Threw a huge fit, because the bride had "cheapened" her necklace by wearing that worthless one with it. Discovered that I had forgotten to provide a gift table in the church basement for those who wanted to bring gifts to the wedding itself instead of the reception. Said that I was being my usual, forgetful self, who could never do anything right anyway. Saw that the GROOM opened her gift, which she had given to the BRIDE, not to HIM. Why hadn't I told him to keep his hands off the gifts? Not really mollified when he admired the fine stitching in the embroidered pillowcases. Got her coat mixed up with another guest who had an identical coat. That became my fault, too, for not seeing to it that there were 2 racks, so she could put her coat on a different rack, not getting it mixed up. Complaining because the wedding was at 2PM and the reception was at 7 PM. Poor planning on my part, and what was she supposed to do with the free hours between the 2 events? We had a DJ providing music. He did soft, dinner music while folks ate, then cranked up the volume and did rock, for the dancing. My MIL insisted that I tell that young man to turn it down, immediately. I said it was supposed to be loud. She said it was far too loud, and she would have to leave if I didn't get him to play it at the proper level. Why hadn't I instructed him better, anyway? I went to that DJ (across the room from her) and told him that he was doing a really fine job. That I was pleased with his work, so "keep it up." Sure enough, within 10 minutes, she was out the door. After telling my husband what a rotten wedding I had put on, how I couldn't do anything right, and why hadn't HE done the planning, since he probably knows I am not fit nor able to do anything the right way, anyway. She wasn't pleased, either, when he told her we had planned this wedding for the kids, not for her. The kids thanked us profusely, declaring the whole wedding and reception was "perfect" MIL was long gone by then, didn't hear them say it. Do you think I did the right thing by telling the DJ to "keep it up" instead of turning the volume down? Can you imagine what my MIL told the other members of the family about how I plan and put on weddings? (I can hear her, now!) Over our years together, DH has told his mother to respect me, or else, several times. Trouble is, it didn't last. She is very religious, self righteous. And devious. Usually, if I complain to him over some nasty thing she said to me, DH will go back to mother & ask why she said that. Then she gets all defensive, says "all I said was...." and say the same thing more or less, again. But in such a sweet tone, innocent. Then I come off looking mean and foolish. Ah, she knows how to stab me in the back. She always resented me, I am not good enough for her son. He spends too much money on me. But I have no idea why she wanted to ruin her granddaughter's wedding. Unless it was just the perfect opportunity to show everyone that I don't do anything right.
is it wise to throw away horse shoe that was gifted to my husband by his ex? he had to throw away all of the gifts b4 our wedding but i got superstitious about the horse shoe. secondly does it really matter if the horse shoes faces downwards. he says its got him no luck but rather unpleasantries since long. lastly he hung it in the interior of the main door. is there any rule to hang it in front? n how to dispose it off if we decdie to do so?
no time to give gift, too late?? I had a coworker recently get married. Even though I didn't get invited to the wedding, I still got them a gift (I had other friends getting married and I just give champagne and a card - it's not hard to buy another bottle or two!!) Anyway, I told my coworker that I had a gift for him and his wife, and he has had different reasons why I couldn't just stop by and give it to them. He was sick one day, they were out of town, they had another wedding to go to one weekend, etc. (I just want to come, knock on the door, say hello, give a quick hug and go - I'm not forcing myself on them or trying to get them to entertain me...) It's been three weeks almost now - should I just give up? Every time I look at that gift I'm just kind of upset by the whole thing (not mad, not sad, just let down and wish they could have gotten it already...the whole nice gesture of it is just gone, it feels like). Any thoughts? oh, and i can't give it to him at work as we are teachers - i won't see him for another month ;)
Gift for my future hubby? I am searching for a gift to give my future hubby on our wedding day. I thought it would be really creative to have a wooden plaque branded with our names and say "est. 2007", and then we can hang it up outside by our front door. I know this would be something he would love because we have decorated our house with a bit of a rustic/Texan kind of motif. The only problem is, I can not find a place that does this!! Does anyone know of somewhere that I can get this done...preferably online? Or do you have any other creative suggestions for a gift?
nice wedding ??? A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative. The Parrot, being a male, sneaks out and screws the next door neighbors turkeys and rushes back home, but not before being caught in the act. The next door neighbor knock on the door and explain what the Parrot has been doing. The owners of the parrot tell him if he doesn't stop it he's going to shave the parrots head. That night the Parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out and screws his neighbor turkeys again. The next morning the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head. The next morning is the Farmer's daughters wedding, so to please the relative that gave them the parrot, they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in the church. The parrot is doing fine. "Groom's side to the left and Bride's side to the right". two bald guys walk in and the parrot says, "And you 2 turkey f#ckers up here with me
Did you have a fancy little box for guests to put cards/envelopes in on the gift table? I was at Michael's the other day and saw some fancy little boxes with a little slot at the top, and figured they must be for cards people bring. I'm thinking that would help prevent theft of those cards (which probably have gift cards in them) while we're having the reception. For our wedding, we're getting married on a terrace at a restaurant, then having the reception in a room indoors there. The gift table will be set up in the hall just outside the door of the reception room. The way the place is set up, no other restaurant patrons will be walking by that area, just the food servers and other employees. I'm wondering if I should get one of those little boxes, I don't know if I should be concerned about employees of the restaurant stealing stuff. This place has lots of weddings, so I would assume there isn't a problem there, but you never know. Are those little boxes common? Do you think I should get one?
Extract from the Australian Etiquette Handbook? 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them. 3. It's tacky to take an esky to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take the car trailer to the funeral home. DINING OUT: 1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the wine. 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME: 1. A centre piece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners. PERSONAL HYGIENE: 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys. 2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money. 3. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days. 4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as it detracts from a woman's jewellery and alters the taste of finger foods. DATING (Outside the Family): 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATRE ETIQUETTE: 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends. 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. WEDDINGS: 1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE: 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun's loaded and the roo's in sight. 2. When approaching a round-about, the vehicle with the largest tyres doesn't always have the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer, too.
I've just finished watching Las Vegas series 3 on DVD. When is series 4 scheduled? Not having Sky I'll have to wait even longer than everyone else! I love this programme but they always leave each series on a knife edge!! Does anyone else like Las Vegas? Do you think Delinda got married and if she did to whom? Did Ed die? (I think the wedding gift he held when he answered the door saved him in some way) Let me have your comments - it may help keep my mind off the long wait! LOL
a nice day for a wedding ????????????? A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative. The Parrot, being a male, sneaks out and screws the next door neighbors turkeys and rushes back home, but not before being caught in the act. The next door neighbor knock on the door and explain what the Parrot has been doing. The owners of the parrot tell him if he doesn't stop it he's going to shave the parrots head. That night the Parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out and screws his neighbor turkeys again. The next morning the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head. The next morning is the Farmer's daughters wedding, so to please the relative that gave them the parrot, they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in the church. The parrot is doing fine. "Groom's side to the left and Bride's side to the right". two bald guys walk in and the parrot says, "And you 2 turkey f#ckers up here with me
Thought expiriment # 2 - Adam and Steve are your next door neighbors, they knock on the door to inform you of? Adam and Steve move next door. They come over to inform you that they are going to be married at a local Christian Church that recognizes same sex marriage, even thou the state you live in will not recognize it. You're living next to two gay men, and they would like you to join them for their wedding celebration Saturday in their backyard after. You respond with the following, a) "Congratulations but Saturday I'm going to be out of town, can I drop a gift off Sunday? Where are you registered" b) "Congratulations, where are you registered and would you like me to bring beer?" c) "No I'm sorry, we're actually religious bigots, and you're going to hell. Don't come back here ever again." Edit: added: d) No thanks. You know my stand on homosexual conduct. It would be hypocritical of me to attend. But thanks for the invite anyways.
Have to Beat Husband's Valentine's Gift... But I dont know what to get!!!!? My husband and I have been married since July and we decided that we werent going to celebrate Valentine's Day since he had to work all day and we think it's just a made up holiday by card and chocolate companies. So today I get a knock at my door and there are 12 people there to sing me "My Girl"!!!! They also gave me balloons and chocolates. It was SO cool!!! So now... what do I do that is bigger and better than this?!?!?! I dont have a clue! This was so out of the ordinary for my husband, I want to make sure his Valentine's Day is amazing! Okay, we are newly weds, so all of the sex gifts are already taken care of. I need an original thought! Something more than dinner, porn, and sexy undies! Been there, done that! Thanks for any ideas! My hubby is 24 years old. He's in the army (so he shoots enough stuff at work). He likes to play PS3 games... but he has enough of those. We dont have loads of money. We just moved and got all of the new tvs we need. He doesnt get a lot of time off since he's in the army, so season tickets wouldnt do him any good. But that was a good idea.
Cooking ideas for my neighbor's son's wedding? One of my my next door neighbor's sons is "gettin' hitched" on May 03. Them being my neighbors since 1990 (and I simply cannot leave well enough alone) I am hoping to cook some snack for the reception party, which will be very large - my knowing how "well known" thier family is around this area. My primary concern is what (specific) "finger-food" would be more / most appropriate for a West Texas wedding reception? I am known to cook anything that is within my grasp, especially since I have cookware from all over the world. The couple is not expecting any GIFTS from me. - They know that I think too far outside the box than to expect any customary gifts from me. ;-') Thanks for snak-food ideas for this wedding reception.
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Anyone been to a fundy wedding like this? My husband's cousins in a town about 300 miles from here had a wedding in their family this last weekend. We went and found that when we got to the church we weren't allowed inside but as they called us unbelievers--my husband is catholic and I am wiccan (although this family didn't know I am wiccan) and we weren't wearing any symbols of our faith. All of us unbelievers had to go sit in an entry way and listen to the ceremony on a loudspeaker. Some of the family that aren't members of this church were so insulted that they left right away. Strangely they didn't think that our gifts of money and things were tainted in any way and accepted them without comment. At the reception we had to sit at tables towards the back door and were given religious pamphlets about burning in hell because of our beliefs to read as we ate. Anyone else go to a fundy wedding like this? Just how common is this? We had never come up against one quite this bad before but we have been to a few not quite normal ones. The church was some little country one that didn't seem to have any affiliation with any main stream ones. I would have taken our gift and left but my husband really thought a lot of this branch of the family when he was young before they "got religion" and he just couldn't leave. It took the pamplets and the way we were treated for him to realize that they weren't the same loving people they once were. I was very sad for him... it was like a piece of his childhood died that day. To the one who thinks that I may have made this up... I know it sounds outlandish in the real world but here in the sticks a lot of odd people do odd things. Sometimes I wonder if maybe there isn't a bit of inbreeding going on for some. You would be surprised at some of the so called grass roots movements that attempt to start up out here. We are like a refuge for the radical fundimentalists of this country. These mind sets exist and are rampant here in Montana and other western states. Just because they currently aren't politically correct in the big world don't think they aren't lieing in wait out here.
Australian Etiquette? IN GENERAL 1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them. 3. It's tacky to take an esky to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral. DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine. 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys. 2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money. 3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days. 4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery. DATING 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date. 2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATRE ETIQUETTE 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends. 2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place) 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight. 2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too. If you can't see what's so funny about the above and decide to follow the suggestions given you could be a redneck
Please help me!!!!!! Pretty please!!!! Asap.? I have an extract from "The Godfather" and I my teacher gave me an exercise. It's my first time when I have to do this type of exercise and I am confused. I don't know how to do it. Can someone help me? Please. Any help is appreciated!!! ~Write an essay about the following aspects of Reading Extract 2 on page 9 (the extract is above). Use the questions below to help you. Write about 150 words. (she said like 15 lines). `Story: Summarise the narrative in two or three sentences. `Style: To what extent is the text descriptive? To what extent is it narrative? Give examples to support your view. What kind of literary devices does the author use? For example, whose point of view is the author writing from? What is the effect of this? Is there any use of imagery in the passage? If so, what is its effect? Give reasons for your opinion. `Effect: What is the effect of the text on you? Does it interest you and make you want to read on? Say why/ why not. So here is the extract.--> <"Luca Brasi was indeed a man to frighten the devil in hell himself. Short, squat, massive-skulled, his presence sent out alarm bells of danger. His face was stamped into a mask of fury. The eyes were brown but with none of the warmth of that color, more a deadly tan. The mouth was not so much cruel as lifeless; thin, rubbery and the color of veal. Brasi's reputation for violence was awesome and his devotion to Don Corleone legendary. He was, in himself, one of the great block's that supported the Don's power structure. His kind was a rarity. Luca Brasi did not fear the police, he did not fear society, he did not fear God, he did not fear hell, he did not fear or love his fellow man. But he had elected, he had chosen, to fear and love Don Corleone. Ushered into the presence of the Don, the terrible Brasi held himself stiff with respect. He stuttered over the flowery congratulations he offered and his formal hope that the first grandchild would be masculine. He then handed the Don an envelope stuffed with cash as a gift for the bridal couple. So that was what he wanted to do. Hagen noticed the change in Don Corleone, The Don received Brasi as a king greets a subject who has done him an enormous service, never familiar but with regal respect. With ever gesture, with every word, Don Corleone made it clear to Luca Brasi that he was valued. Not for one moment did he show surprise at the wedding gift being presented to him personally. He understood. The money in the envelope was sure to be more than anyone else had given. Brasi had spent many hour deciding on the sum, comparing it to what the other guests might offer. He wanted to be the most generous to show that he had the most respect, and that was why he had given his envelope to the Don personally, a gaucherie the Don overlooked in his own flowery sentence of thanks. Hagen saw Luca Brasi's face lose its mask of fury, swell with pride and pleasure. Brasi kissed the Don's hand before he went out the door that Hagen held open. Hagen prudently gave Brasi a friendly smile which the squat man acknowledged with a polite stretching of rubbery, veal-colored lips. When the door closed Don Corleone gave a small sigh of relief. Brasi was the only man in the world who could make him nervous. The man was like a natural force, not truly subject to control. He had to be handled as gingerly as dynamite. The Don shrugged. Even dynamite could be exploded harmlessly if the need arose..."> Thank you in advance! Any help will be really appreciated.
How accurate is this Australian Etiquette? IN GENERAL 1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them. 3. It's tacky to take an esky to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral. DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine. 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys. 2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money. 3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days. 4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery. DATING 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date. 2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATRE ETIQUETTE 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends. 2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place) 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight. 2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
fred posted this earlier but i want an opinion.How accurate is this Australian Etiquette? IN GENERAL 1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them. 3. It's tacky to take an esky to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral. DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine. 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys. 2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money. 3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days. 4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery. DATING 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date. 2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATRE ETIQUETTE 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends. 2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place) 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight. 2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
Ahhh! My Teacher!? I'm on my guy friends name I'm a girl. My teacher is a girl and she is really young she just got married a month ago. We were really close all year i bought her a wedding gift and stuff. I have her home phone number but never called and I know where she lives. Would it be bad to go to her house pretending to do a fundraiser or petition and ring her door bell. School is over now and I just realized that I'm really going to miss her. SHe is my english teacher and she is my best friend's like 4th cousin so if I went to her house just to see her would it be a bad thing. I don't have a crush on her I'm completely straight it's just that I miss her a lot.
bride and groom? This guy is getting married and he is a bit nervous since he is not too experienced. So he asks his best man to come along on the honeymoon and give a few pointers. The best man exclaims, "Come on man, its your honeymoon, you're supposed to be spending time with your wife, not your best friend!" To which the groom replies that he has already paid for a room next door to his for the best man. After much coercion, the best man give in and decides to go along. They work out a system where the best man will pound on the wall and shout advice if he hears anything going wrong. So the honeymoon comes and goes, and the bride and groom go to the honeymoon suite of the hotel, and the best man goes to his room next door. After a few moments, the bride gets undressed, but the groom gets so nervous he runs into the bathroom and locks the door. After about five minutes of waiting, the bride says, "honey, are you coming out, I have to go to the bathroom!" The groom replies, "I will be out in a few minutes, hon, I'll be ready soon." After a few more minutes, the bride can't wait any longer, so she rummages under the bed where all the wedding gifts are stashed, grabs a box, unwraps it, pulls out the fondue pot, shits in it, wipes with the tissue paper, closes it and shoves it under the bed. Just then the groom, having summoned his manly nerve walks out of the bathroom. The bride, being feminine and all, goes into the bathroom to stall for a few minutes so the groom won't know what she did. The groom, sitting on the bed =sniff* notices this awful smell! *sniff* *sniff* Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! *sniff* What can that be? He looks under the bed, finds the box, pulls it out and exclaims, "Honey, there's shit in your box!!!" Boom! Boom! Boom! (There's pounding on the wall...) The best man yells from the other room, "Turn her over, turn her over!"
Last Joke for the day,,,,,,hahaha or boo!!!??? Star for hahaha pls? This guy is getting married and he is a bit nervous since he is not too experienced. So he asks his best man to come along on the honeymoon and give a few pointers. The best man exclaims, "Come on man, its your honeymoon, you're supposed to be spending time with your wife, not your best friend!" To which the groom replies that he has already paid for a room next door to his for the best man. After much coercion, the best man give in and decides to go along. They work out a system where the best man will pound on the wall and shout advice if he hears anything going wrong. So the honeymoon comes and goes, and the bride and groom go to the honeymoon suite of the hotel, and the best man goes to his room next door. After a few moments, the bride gets undressed, but the groom gets so nervous he runs into the bathroom and locks the door. After about five minutes of waiting, the bride says, "honey, are you coming out, I have to go to the bathroom!" The groom replies, "I will be out in a few minutes, hon, I'll be ready soon." After a few more minutes, the bride can't wait any longer, so she rummages under the bed where all the wedding gifts are stashed, grabs a box, unwraps it, pulls out the fondue pot, shits in it, wipes with the tissue paper, closes it and shoves it under the bed. Just then the groom, having summoned his manly nerve walks out of the bathroom. The bride, being feminine and all, goes into the bathroom to stall for a few minutes so the groom won't know what she did. The groom, sitting on the bed =sniff* notices this awful smell! *sniff* *sniff* Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! *sniff* What can that be? He looks under the bed, finds the box, pulls it out and exclaims, "Honey, there's shit in your box!!!" Boom! Boom! Boom! (There's pounding on the wall...) The best man yells from the other room, "Turn her over, turn her over!"
I need a birthday gift idea for a guy I've been dating for like a month...? He's turning 24, photographer, paints, loves lil wayne, loves sushi and In-N-Out, surfs, snowboards, a total out door kind of guy. I want to do something special because he has been a little bummed lately. I won't see him until Friday but his birthday is on Wednesday so I need something I can send to him that will get there by Wed. HELP!!!
IS MY HUSBAND A PEEKING TOM? I am absolutely horrified by what I’m about to tell you. I can’t really decide what to do. Six years ago I was working on Wall Street as a stock broker. It was a fast paced life, but I was single and loved it. I shared an apartment with my sister and our cat, and we had a lot of fun living in New York City. There was a really cute guy I kept seeing on the Stock Exchange floor, and I really wanted to meet him. My friend Linda knew him from college (they had both gone to Stanford), so I talked her into introducing us. If only I had known what that would lead to, I might have reconsidered……………… We had a whirlwind courtship and married 6 months after being formally introduced. We decided to get married on a cruise ship, and it was a beautiful, romantic setting surrounded by the people we care about. We had wanted a June wedding, but the ship was booked, so we opted for September, which was pretty hot, but we didn’t have any options. I was madly in love with Tom, my new husband, and he seemed to feel the same. We agreed I would work until we had children, then I would stay home and be a mommy. It seemed like such a beautiful arrangement. I really trusted this man!!! Now I find myself 6 months pregnant. I just went for an ultrasound last Thursday and the technician tells me I’m having a girl. I don’t think I’ll do the nursery in the typical pink and white. I’m leaning toward blue and brown even thought it’s a girl. My ankles are swollen; my body is swollen; I even feel like my eyeballs are swollen. My husband SAYS he still finds me beautiful, but I’m not so sure. Our anniversary is Sept. 20, which leads me to why I’m asking this question. I had found a fabulous set of golf clubs for my husband, something I knew he would really love, and had hidden them downstairs in our basement storage closet. Because of their size I was unable to wrap them in such a way as to conceal their identity, so I warned my husband not to go into that closet under any circumstances. I was in the laundry room a few days ago, and I saw my husband tiptoe to the closet, open the door and peek at his gift, then quietly close the door and go back upstairs. I couldn’t believe what I had just seen. He was peeking, and I caught him red handed. Should I confront him, or just let it go?
Should I Be Concerned with Husband? Hubbs works a job that requires him to visit a bank to make a deposit several times a week, I have not ever been there but he has made me perfectly aware that it is full of pretty women, he even invited one to our post wedding celebration. He ended up winning a gift cert from the bank for the grocery store next door and we went there yesterday together but he pulled into the grocery store parking lot and not the bank parking lot. We exit the car and I begin to follow him to the bank when he mentioned that he thought I would want to start grocery shopping. He didn't seem the least bit interested with introducing me to the women inside the bank. He ended up going across the street to the bank alone and I went inside and began grocery shopping. Should I have went with him no matter even if he didn't want me too? Sure seemed to me that he didn't want me to go there with him. Yes, a little weirded out I am that is for sure. Be honest in your input........thank you!!! We married December of 2006. So Yes we are really newlyweds. Yes, the lady that he invited to our wedding reception really is that pretty. And he had to go into the back to retrieve the gift certs............but as I mentioned he didn't need to go alone. From the way he has spoke of the bank ladies during our courtship and marriage, (just from time to time not too often, every other month or so) I had a feeling that he would do something to derail me from going in there. The crappy part is, my husband has a pretty wife, curvy, big green eyes, clean, great smile, and I even smell good most of the time. me 34 him 41. He is an attractive man and perhaps a bit metro, keeps himself quite polished. Quite the slap in the face to have ones own husband pull a stunt like that.
A question about Jehovah witnesses?? If they do not believe in gift giving then why does my neighbor (who continually puts Jehovah witnesses literature on my door) wear a huge diamond ring on her wedding ring finger? Obviously she did not buy if for herself, and you would think that it is putting emphasis on something other than Jehovah right? I am interested in what other people think about this. I am not jealous of that girl or anything, I am just curious about their religion. I wrote "a huge diamond ring" meaning, something quite flashy for people who do not celebrate certian holidays. If they can celebrate thier anniversary then why can't they celebrate mothers day or fathers day? What is the difference? Obviously a wedding ring is given for a reason, not just as a "just a gift" purpose.
Give your honest opinion on my story? I feel like such a dork for doing this, but I feel I have to. What do you think of the beginning of my story? Constructive criticism needed. “It is a gift.” Adara looked at the jeweled necklace with hesitation. It was a deep green, mimicking her eyes. The gold plating caused the emerald stones to shimmer, and the surface was akin to the sea; shadows reflected from it aimlessly, causing ripple-like images to form on surface. It made her all the more suspicious. “What is it for?” she asked incredulously. Her Aunt Keren gingerly handled the necklace, lifting it from the obsidian case. She didn’t answer. Instead, she strode over to the girl with a frightful grace and turned her around, unclasping the necklace. “Your hair,” she commanded. As she brushed her lengthy blonde tresses from her neck, she felt the cold substance lay against her tiny, hypersensitive hairs. The jewels cruelly caressed her skin, making her shiver. “It’s a gift from your uncle,” the woman finally responded. Her face was disturbing in its ambiguity. It was as if an eternal veil shrouded her features, for they were deceitful to the eye. Her eyes never seemed to stay one color; they ranged from blue, gray, to green, determined by some unknown force. She wore a heavy amount of make-up, but it was not unattractive. The hue of the copious amounts of kohl around her eyes differed every day and only enhanced the mysteries of her indeterminate eyes. The rogue on her already burgundy cheeks seemed to darken with each passing day and caused her features to glow in spite of its natural dark quality. “Why would he give me such a handsome gift?” Adara queried. “I have done nothing special.” These gifts were common enough, but Uncle Avi never gave anything away without reason. The last time she obtained something of such quality it was for her distant cousin’s wedding the year before. Come to think of it, the gift had been a dress, as green as the jewels around her neck. Her uncle seemed to believe green suited her best. “You will be meeting his associates tonight,” Keren responded coolly. Every utterance from her mouth was either a statement or a command, never a question. She was the complete opposite of Adara. “Will Gabriel be there?” said girl asked optimistically. The boy, only one month younger than she, was her light in darkness (the darkness being pompous men with similar but equally distasteful suits). “Most likely,” she answered curtly, leaving the ostentatious room. “I expect you to be ready by noon.” Adara nodded her response, and the mysterious woman closed the door behind her. Taking off the striking band, she gracelessly dropped down on her elegant bed, trying to remember the last time she had seen her friend. Unfortunately, her recollection was blurry and all she could remember was the fact that he was a good head shorter than she was and the torture she had put him through because of it. “It sure has been a while,” a voice filtered in the hallway outside Adara’s door said. “I wonder what the occasion is for.” Another, slightly higher voice, scoffed. “Father probably wants to convey the message that he has the largest ego of them all.” The voices belonged to her cousins, Brina and Talia. Adara stood, discarding the necklace on her dresser, and walked over to her door. Opening it, the two girls turned. “I was about to knock,” Brina said with a nervous smile. She was the younger of the two, paradoxically being taller and thinner than her sister was. Despite being quite awkward during her growth spurt, she had recently acquired a kind of grace that put her mother to shame, thus beginning their dissimilarities. With Brina, what you saw was the truth. There were no mysterious, only kind chocolate eyes and a tender smile. She was a girl you could trust. Talia, on the other hand, was different. She always seemed to be off in another place. Her voice was small and quaint, and didn’t hold the command her mother’s did. Even though she was introverted, she wasn’t kind like her sister. She was distant and often times cold. Her similar brown eyes were darker than her sister’s and her smiles were rare. Brina sat on her bed, behaving as if it were her own room. Talia, however, sat in a chair in the corner. Spotting the necklace, she sighed. “So I suppose Father informed you of the gathering.” “Actually, your mother did,” Adara corrected, sitting next to Brina,” and I wish she hadn’t.” “I guess you’re not looking forward to it either,” Brina said. “I don’t even know why we have to go; those people are of no concern to us.” Brina was always the rebel, outspoken and frank. (c) Miss Clyde 2008
Should I cut my brother out of my life completely? I'm so upset right, now I feel sick. This is a long story so I'll try to keep it short. Basically, a brother of mine and his wife fell out with my husband and I nearly 8 years ago over something so ridiculous nobody is even sure what it is. Take it from me that this brother is indescribably self pitying, delusional and cunning beyond belief. He is poison to put it mildly and no amount of space in a book would fit the amazingly selfish and disgusting things he has said about and done to my parents and other family members. I was quite upset that we'd fallen out, and even when I tried to make up, he was having none of it. So after a few years of trying, I gave up and having heard from my parents and other family members, the goings on of him (and he has fallen out with them too, some permanently others on and off), I came to realise (sadly) that I was better off without him in my life. My dear husband is such a good forgiving family oriented person and he always reaches out in the hope that we can at least be on civil terms with this couple from hell. Everyone notes that he is the bigger man for approaching them at every family occasion - I on the other hand can't stomach them and would rather be true to my feelings than hide behind a false smile. Anyway, I have another brother and his wife who 'pal' around with them as they are all at the same stage in their lives with kids etc. He slags them off behind their backs but still hangs about with them. The 4 of them are as bad as each other and play nasty mind games and gossip about everyone. Ok, so my Dad isn't perfect but I love him to bits and would do anything for both my parents. These two brothers criticize everything about him and give him an awful time. So do their wives. Nothing he does is right. They also 'ignored' our youngest brothers 21st and didnt even say Happy Birthday never mind give him a card or gift. This has hurt him very much. Then my dad tells me this evening that evil brother number 1 has been saying things to him like 'I hate the ground you walk upon' and laughing, actually 'laughing' about his health problems. I wanted to vomit when I heard this. My dad is really hurt. Now my evil brother is having his 40th birthday very soon and we're invited just because it would 'look bad for them' if they didn't at least send one. I don't want to go let alone acknowledge his bday as he did not acknowledge my 30th bday, my youngest brothers 21st bday or even my dads 60th bday which have all taken place recently. I feel nothing but rage towards him and am actually wondering at this stage having heard the disgusting unjustifiable things he has been directing at my beloved dad, whether I should just cut him out of my life altogether. (I rarely see him as it is). I realise that the gravity of doing something like that - so I am not jumping into this lightly. There is so much more to this than I can type - like he has never once introduced me to his kids not even when we were in the same room as them and supposedly on talking terms, no christening invites nothing. We gave him a wedding present and had to leave it at his front door because he wouldn't answer it (he was deffo in) and his wife only found out years later that we'd given them a gift because he let it slip by accident. He has let his own inlaws believe that my Dad beat and abused him as a child - which are all pure evil lies. He just wants pity. Sorry about the length of this, my stomach is actually doing somersaults and I am shaking as I type. Thanks for your replies so far. My brother has always been a drama queen and loves to wallow in self pity. There is no reason for this bitterness -we all grew up in the same house and had a happy childhood. I tried to call him before to talk but he hung up on my call (right in front of another family member) when he saw my name flash up on his mobile and he 'laughed' about it as he did so. To the poster with the Jerry Springer comment: I'm happy that you have such a normal family life that you can get a thrill out of reading about other peoples problems. Thanks for your valuable contribution. I have just read more of your replies and again would like to say thank you for your time and advice. It's very, very painful for me and yes, he shows zero respect for anyone in the family. I'm terrified of making this step because I can't see what lies ahead in our lives. Effectively he hasnt been a part of my life for the past 8 years but actually deciding that he's no longer my 'brother' in heart is difficult to deal with. I just cant stand by and see my parents and other siblings be abused like this. I have already RSVP'd his party and I know that if I try to pull out my husband will insist that we go as he doesn't want us to get more grief for not going. It's so difficult. The song fairy - lol. I wouldn't wish that on anyone though, not even him. I don't even have to ask my Dad about that- it is out of the question. Having been raised in a family of 7 in a small house I know that what he claims are lies. Everyone knows it. He is a compulsive liar and a thief for starters. Our father wouldn't hurt a fly and there was not an ounce of indication that he could lay a finger on any of us. It sickens me to the very core that he could make those accusations. I will have a chat with my husband and one of my other brothers, who also feels the same way, about all this and then see what happens. Thanks everyone for your kind advice - lots of love to you all! x
what do u think about the start of this story im writing? Im fourteen, i've been told im good writer what do u think? advice is needed Love isn’t loud, attention crazed or hopeless. Love is kind & patient. In most cases it should be. This is a love story about a young boy & girl who are in love, and often fail to realize that they’re soul mates. This story is about miscommunication, pride & heartache. Two people who deserve each other but are too stubborn to try. “I don’t know…he’s just really cool I guess. And I like him! Is that so wrong?” Kacy smiled to herself knowing that was a total understatement. Her feelings for Toren were deeper than just liking him. And she knew that the feelings were mutual. “Well then…I guess he’s alright but he just ain’t that cute.” Kacy’s friend Jaycee confessed. “You know what? It’s not always about looks! The inside is just as important. Even more if you ask me.” Kacy knew Toren wasn’t the best looking but it didn’t matter. He was special & she planned to never let him go. “What do you see in him anyway?” Jaycee said “He is smart & talented & fun & silly &…” “I don’t think silly is the word girl” “Ok well he’s goofy but…it’s a mature kind of goofy” Jaycee began to crack up laughing “MATURE? What have you been smokin? And what ever it is can’t you share? Toren is anything but mature. Clumsy, uncoordinated, hard headed, but not mature.” Kacy threw a pillow at her naïve friend. “Gosh you just don’t get it do you!” Kacy squealed frustrated. Kacy hated the fact that her best friend considered the person who she thought she loved a geek of the freaks. Why must everybody be so materialistic? She thought. Kacy had gone to church with Toren since she was a baby; he always had a crush on her. And now she was feeling him more than ever. Some days she even planned there wedding. “RING, RING, RING! Your phone is ringing Kay! Get up babe.” Kacy’s mom woke her up from an afternoon nap “Oh, thanks Mommy” Kacy said as she grabbed her phone & looked at her caller I.D. “Toren!” Kacy yelped with excitement before picking up the phone. “Hello…” “Hey, how are you?” “Um, I’m pretty good Toren, How are you?” Kacy said with a racing heart. “I guess I’m cool. But I could be better…” “Oh, how so?” “If I was able to see you at church tonight.” Kacy took a deep breath & tried to be cool as she talked to her favorite guy in the world “Church?…sorry I have to clean my room, courtesy of my parents. But it is a mess…” “Oh sure!” Toren said jokingly “NO! Seriously I do! My mom told me if I didn’t do it today, it was my shiny hinny she would be cleaning” Kacy said laughing “Oh yeah I know your mom & you better get to work!” “Yeah, you’re right but have some fun for me! Tell everyone I said hi & give them a big kiss for me” Kacy loved to joke with Toren just to get a rise out of him. “I’d like to give you a kiss” Toren said in a whisper “What?” “Nothing, nothing. I’ll make sure to do that, minus the kiss.” They both laughed enjoying each other’s company. “Well, talk to you later” “Yup, talk to you later Kase” After about four years, Kacy went to join Toren at Clark Atlanta University. There she joined a sorority, Alfa Kappa Alfa. Her & Toren were very much in love. They were happy & content with each other. “Babe, I’m so excited. I can’t believe I’m gonna be twenty-one” Kacy told her boyfriend. “Yeah sweetie, who woulda thought my girl would finally be able to drink & get into a club legally!” Toren joked with Kacy. “hey your only twenty-two! Don’t get a head of your self “ Kacy said laughing. They were on their way back to Ohio when curiosity started to get the best of Kacy. “Hey baby….” “Yeah babe?” “My parents told you about the huge gift they were gonna give me at my party right?” Kacy asked with excitement in her eyes “Well, yes they did but that’s something I’m supposed to keep to myself…you know the whole surprise thing?” Toren said with sarcasm in his voice. As they pulled into Her parents drive way. Kacy pleaded with Toren to the reveal the secret she knew that he held. “No boo, now let’s go get ready for this PARTAY!” They grabbed their bags and went up to the porch. Toren rang the doorbell. “Baby? Now you know I have a key” they both laughed as they went in to the house. “Hello…? Anyone here? Your baby is home Dad!” just then her sister came down the steps “Ya see! I told you big head was home,” her sister Kathryn said rushing down the steps to Meet her little sister. “Hey Kat! I missed you; I didn’t know you were coming. Then Kacy turned to Toren “Is this the big surprise?” Kacy asked with finger quotes. “Um well I don’t know.” Toren said glancing at Kathryn. “Now c’mon lil sis you don’t want that surprise ruined do you?” Kathryn said frowning at Kacy. “Well I guess not but you know I’ve never been one for surprises” “We have a lot to talk about, lets get some of those things unpacked, Oh & Toren Mom got the guest room all made up for you.” “Thanks Kat, see you in a few baby. I’m gonna freshen up a bit. That was a serious drive,” Toren said kissing Kacy “Now tell me, Ms. Ma’am. How are things with Mr. Right these days?” Kathryn said putting some of her sister’s things in a dresser. “Everything is…well its great! I think a hit the jackpot with just one-quarter! He is everything I have always dreamed & hoped he would be!” Kacy gazed into space reminiscing on her teenage years “Wow! He must be hittin it good, huh lil mama?” Kathryn said laughing. “No, no its not like that” Kacy looked out into the hallway then shut the bedroom door. “We haven’t even had sex yet!” Kacy said in a loud whisper. Kathryn looked at Kacy with disbelief. “Damn chile, y’all been dating on & off for almost six years now. And you mean to tell me that y’all ain’t did the nasty?” Kacy pinched her older sister. “HEY! He’s not like that. Our love is way beyond the physical. But it’s not like I don’t plan to; I’m just waiting for the right time you know? I’m still a virgin & I want it to be as perfect as possible” ‘Yes, well that’s fair. I’m sure it’ll be everything you’ve dreamed of Kay” Kathryn said kissing her sister on the forehead. “Plus I’m sure mom would be proud to know her baby is still a virgin. Cause God knows I’m not.” The sisters both laughed. “Hey where is mom anyway?” “She went to pick up a few extra decorations for this big shindig your having tonight” “Oh yes, did she want me to start setting up?” Kacy asked eagerly. “Nope, actually she doesn’t want you to lift a finger.” “Well that won’t be hard,” Kacy said joking. At about 7:30 the guest began to arrive. The music began to play & the crowd began to grow. Once everything seemed pretty steady, Jaycee came to get Kacy from the kitchen. “Kacy! We need you in the living room” Kacy put down the glass of water she was sipping & followed Jaycee through a crowd of people into the living. She immediately noticed her family all sitting in a circle, including Toren. He stood & then spoke. “Kase, we have been in love for about six years now. And at this point I can’t imagine myself loving anyone else but you. You’re beautiful inside & out. You have a glow that makes who ever you’re around brighten. I have known you ever since you were born & you have been a great impact on my life. You have allowed me to know God & myself in a whole new way. I just wanted to know if…” Toren got down on his knee. Kacy closed her eyes & tears began to flow as freely as a river. “If you would marry me sweetheart. I love you.” Kacy got down on her knees & kissed Toren, then she just looked at him with love in her eyes “Yes Toren, I would follow you to the ends of the earth! I love you & of course I will marry you!” They both stood to their feet; the family started to stand up & crowd around. You could see it in Kacy”s eyes, she was happy. Toren was more then she could ever dream. She loved him with all her heart. “So mom is this the gift you & dad were talking about?” Kacy said wiping away a stray tear. “Well…” Kacy’s Dad began. “It goes along with that. Toren told us he was gonna propose. So your mother & me tried to think of a gift that would matter. You know since you were just asked the most important question ever. So your mother mentioned paying for the entire wedding. So I thought that was a good idea but it wasn’t quite enough…” “So, Dad what is it?” Kacy asked with excitement. “We decided that we would pay for the biggest wedding you could dream of &…A honeymoon to The Bahamas, For a week! We already have taken care of the details of the hotel & all. The date is just needed!” Kacy through her arms around both her parents. “Gosh, I wasn’t expecting that daddy! I can’t believe I’m getting married! Then going to the Bahamas!” Then Kacy turned to Toren. “Baby can you believe it!” “No, I can’t believe I’m marring an angel” Toren & Kacy went back to Atlanta after telling Toren’s parents. After a few days Toren invited Kacy to his apartment to watch a movie. Kacy didn’t really think anything of it because he did this at least once a week. So she figured it was pretty normal. When she got there, he opened the door and she saw that the lights were out, and candles were lit. “Hey babe, how are you doin today” Toren asked “Um… I’m ok. Kacy said as Toren pulled her closer to him. He had begun to kiss her on the neck & lips. Kacy decided not to fight it, she wanted just as bad as he did. She just hoped it was worth the wait. Toren Began to lead Kacy toward his bed, & remove her clothing. Kacy waited timidly as Toren explored her body with his hands. Kacy tried to relax as Toren entered her. He was gentle but the pain was visible in her face, Tears began to fill Kacy’s eyes. Once Toren was done, Kacy relaxed in his arms. She could have laid there forever. After months of planning, the wedding turned out beautifully. Kacy & Toren Mitchell, Kacy thought it just rolled off the tongue. The Bahamas were gorgeous. They had the time of their lives. Once they got home Kacy moved her things out of her dorm room, & Toren moved his things out of his apartment. They moved in to a beautiful three-bedroom apartment. Kacy was happy, but didn’t know if she could say the same about her husband. Once Kacy started student teaching, she realized Toren was very distant. He never really liked to hold conversations for more than a few minutes. He was either studying, sleeping or into the television. Kacy knew he was tired from medical school but he never wanted to spend time with her any more. Kacy missed the days when they would just spend the day in bed together. It seems like a year after they got married, his personality changed for the worse. Kacy tried everything she could think of to get him back to his old self.
frisky parrot? Horny parrot. A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative. The parrot, being a male, sneaks out and screws the next door neighbors Turkeys, and rushes back home before being caught in the act. The next door neighbors knock on the door, and explain what the Parrot has been doing. The owners of the parrot reprimand him, and tell him if he doesn't stop it he's going to shave the parrots head. That night the Parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out again and screws his neighbors turkeys again. The next morning, the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head. The following morning is the Farmers daughters wedding, and in order to please the relative that gave them the parrot, they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in the church. The parrot is doing fine. "Grooms side to the left and Brides side to the right". And then two bald guys walk in and he says, "And you two Turkies up on the piano with me"
Is this abuse or am I just stupid? I have been married for awhile now. I have four children from my previous marriage and I have a new baby girl and a step daughter. My husband never even bought a wedding ring for me, yet he bought one for himself. He didnt congradulate me when we had my daughter and didnt even get a gift or a flower. He has never suprised me with a gift, but has gotten flowers when I have thrown fits, twice. He has often told me that the women of his past were models and so pretty, such large breasts and in good shape. Christmas, Birthdays, not ever a gift. I had beautiful clothes which I sold all on ebay, and I havent even enough clothing now to go out the door and look good, because I am pregnant again. He treats his daughter, my step-daughter like a queen and the other children, not bad, but not as good as her at all. I feel very ugly, very unloved and very used. He has cheated while I was engaged to him because he stated he thought I was cheating. I dont trust him, recently catching him flirting. Just two weeks ago he told his friends he wished to sleep with this woman and last week I ended up in the hospital. The hospital called him many times to come and get me and he didnt show up, thus causing me a ride home from a complete stranger, and he stated, " I thought you were playing games and not really at the hospital!" I stated, " Well, I have been gone all night and you didnt even call me to see if I was ok?" I have never had a back rub from him, not even prego and while prego everynight I rubbed his back. He has made in fun of even my feet saying that he doesnt rub my feet due to their dryness. I do all the work in the bed, and I have never had an orgasm from his work, always my own. I dont understand if I am DUMB or what?
Know any long jokes? As in a paragraph or more? Heres a couple in exchange:? A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head." ===================================== Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really mad at him. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. ============================================ A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees the little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail says, "What was that all about?" ================================= A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies, :"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see." Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?" Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair." Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair." Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went." ========================================== Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What are you goanna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.' The farmer asked, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.' ====================================== HEY DOWN HERE!! okes like that....long....love them!=)
NEW YEARS SUPERSTITIONS' New Year is a time of beginning and thus something which, according to lore, needs to be influenced favourably to ensure a good outcome. Its bad luck to let a fire go out on New Year's Eve. You could ensure yourself good fortune by draining the last dregs from a bottle of drink on New Years! To dance in the open air, especially round a tree, on New Year's Day is declared to ensure luck in love and prosperity and freedom from ill health during the coming twelve months. On New Year's Day if, on rising, a girl should look out of her bedroom window and see a man passing by, she may reckon to be married before the year is finished. Avoid crying on the first day of the year lest that activity set the tone for the next twelve months Just as the clock strikes twelve the head of the house should open the door in order to allow the Old Year to pass out and the New Year to come in. The first person to enter your home after the stroke of midnight will influence the year you're about to have. This tradition is called First Footing. Ideally, he should be dark-haired, tall, and good-looking, and it would be even better if he came bearing certain small gifts such as a lump of coal, a silver coin, a bit of bread, a sprig of evergreen, and some salt. The eating of black-eyed peas on New Year's Day will attract both general good luck and money in particular. Do not do the laundry on New Year's Day, lest a member of the family be 'washed away' (die) in the upcoming months. Wear something new on January 1 to increase the likelihood of your receiving more new garments during the year to follow. Avoid crying on the first day of the year lest that activity set the tone for the next twelve months. Make as much noise as possible at midnight. You're not just celebrating; you're scaring away evil spirits. (Church bells are rung on a couple's wedding day for the same reason.) Babies born on this day will always have luck on their side. Wish you all a Happy and prosperous New Year for 2007..
Feedback on my short story? i'm only fifteen but here it is It was a sunny Sunday morning. My dad and I were sitting at a diner, finishing our breakfasts. I had ordered a Western omelet and my dad had a big stack of pancakes. This was our tradition. Ever since I could remember, we had been coming here on Sundays, just me and my pop. I was graduating high school in a few weeks and leaving to university, which meant no more breakfasts on Sunday mornings. No more omelets or pancakes. No more time with my dad. I told him that this was probably our last breakfast together. This statement hung in the air for a while. I think it fell into my dad’s plate because he looked down and didn’t look back at me. I then realized my dad was crying, right at the restaurant. People laughing, talking all around all around him and he was silently weeping. I patted his back, paid the bill and we headed back to that car. In the car, my dad sat at the wheel and just starred ahead. I knew what he was feeling and what was running through his mind. My dad never liked change. Change was his main foe. He didn’t want me leaving; he didn’t want to grow old. I knew my dad had several moments in his life where he wanted to freeze time forever. This morning’s breakfast was one of them. My parents’ wedding was another. We had been sitting in the car for twenty minutes. It was 32 degrees outside and felt two times hotter in the car, but I could see my dad shaking, kittle bumps running along his arms, on is neck, up to his bald head. He looked at me and told me he wanted to congratulate me and reward me, but of all to thank me. I told him he shouldn’t, but he had already started the car and was driving the opposite direction from our house. I couldn’t believe it. My dad had pulled up to a BMW dealership. I insisted that he shouldn’t, but I probably didn’t sound convincing. I had wanted a BMW all my life. My pupils were probably the BMW logo. I had chosen my car and sat inside of it. I remember feeling like I was on the top of the world. I forgot about my dad and everything else. This car was my car. When I got out, the dealer asked if we were interested in purchasing it. I looked at my dad. “No,” he said, “not yet.” After that faithful day, all I though about was that car. I dreamt every night about it. My dad hadn’t said anything, but I don’t know how he could bring himself not to buy it. My eyes sparkled whenever he looked at me. One morning, I woke up and found a box neatly wrapped up at my feet. I picked up a card and began reading: Andy, I love you more than life itself. You bring such joy to me and I don’t know what kind of person I would be without you. You are the greatest gift of my life and I want to return to you just that. This is why I decided not to buy you the BMW, but this gift instead. After a few years, a car will break down. You will sell it, forget about it, and that is not what I want to happen to our relationship. You will use this gift for the rest of your life and every time you do, you will remember me, even after I’m gone. Son, I give you the gift of music. Love, Your father I reread the letter to make sure what I read was true. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How could he do this to me? My dad had just spat in my face. He crushed me. He murdered me. I hated him. I opened the box and there it laid - a violin. I could feel steam from my ears and my eyes were about to come out of their sockets. I pulled on my hair and started screaming. I picked up the violin and threw it against the wall. I grabbed my packed suitcases and stomped out of my house. I slammed the door without a word. I haven’t spoken to my dad since that day. I am 47 years old. My dad passed away today. I receive a call, telling me to come to the post office because there is a package waiting for me. I leave the house because I am too depressed to stay in there. I arrive at the post office and pick up the package. I go back to my car and begin opening it. There is an envelope with a paper inside, which appears to be my father’s will. Under my name, all there says is “violin”. That damned violin which ruined my life. I open the rest of the package, and there it lays – the violin. There is a small dent in it and one of the strings is broken, from me throwing it. I pick it up out of the box and notice a piece of paper. It is the receipt of the violin. It costs as much as the BMW. I was sitting in the car for twenty minutes. It was 32 degrees outside and felt two times hotter, but I was shaking, little bumps running along my arms, on my neck, up to my bald head.
are you a redneck.......? one of my friends sent me this. I though it was funny, if you think its funny then star it. :) YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF.... Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off. You've ever used lard in bed. You think potted meat on a saltine is a hors d'oeuvre. There is a stuffed possum mounted any where in your home. You consider a six pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State trooper to "kiss my Ass". The primary color of your car is "Bondo". Directions to your house include: "turn off the paved road". You honestly believe women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures. Your family tree does not fork. Your wifes hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan. You've ever hollered "Rock the house, Bubba!" during a piano recital. Your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event. You've ever barbecued SPAM on the grill. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights. Your brother-in-law is also your uncle. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best motion picture. The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones. You prominently display a gift in your house that you bought at Graceland. You consider Outdoor Life deep reading. Your mother keeps a spit-cup on the ironing board. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding. The most common phrase you hear at a family reunion is: "What are you looking at, shithead?" You think beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups. You think Campho-phenique is a miracle drug. You have more than two brothers named Bubba and Junior. You father encourages you to quit school when Larry announces an opening on the lube rack. You think Volvo is a part of the female anatomy. You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time. You have a rag for a gas cap. You had a toothpick in your mouth when you had your wedding picture taken. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. You have a "Hefty bag" for a passenger side window on your car. Your house doesn't have any curtains - but your truck does. Your front porch collapses and kill more than three dogs. You consider your license plate "personalized" because your father made it. After making love, you have to ask your date to roll down the window. You have a picture of Willie Nelson or Johnnie Cash over your fireplace. You still have an 8-track tape player in your car or house. Your idea of safe sex doesn't include anyone else. You have ever bar-be-qued hamburgers at the drive-in theater. You liked the velvet picture of Elvis that someone in a van sold you beside the highway better than anything you saw at an art show or museum. You own more than three shirts with cut-off sleeves. You have ever driven down the road with your seat belt hanging out of the door making sparks. You have ever spray-painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass. Someone asks to see your ID, and you show them your belt buckle. Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income. You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle. Jack Daniels is on your list of most admired people. You see no need to stop at a rest stop because you have an empty milk jug in the car. Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging. You have ever had to scratch your sister or girlfriend's name out of the message "For a good time, call _______." Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card. You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work. Your dad walks to school with you because you're both in the same grade. You view the next family reunion as a great chance to meet a woman. Your wife has a beer gut, and you think it's attractive. You have ever signed a petition to have the national anthem changed to "Free Bird." You call your boss "Dude." You have ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. You need one more hole punched in your card before you get a freebie at the "House of Tattoos." You get an estimate from the barber before he cuts your hair. You look like Willie Nelson after you get your hair cut. You own more cowboy boots than sneakers. You've ever worn a cowboy hat to church. You have sunglasses that are mirrored on the inside. You think BMW are the call letters for a radio station. You wear a belt buckle that weighs more than three pounds. You've ever been to a funeral or wedding where there were more pickup trucks than cars. Your all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball Run." You have any relatives named "Elmer" or "Jed." Your girlfriend thinks the way you pick your nose is cute. You wish your house looked like the one on the beginning of "Beverly Hillbil
Should I give a gift if I am not attending the wedding? My next door neighbor's daughter is getting married. She (the mom) and I get along very well, but the daughter (who is getting married) doesn't live around here. I hardly know the daughter. When she comes around, she has little to say to me and sometimes acts a little arrogent. The daughter is getting married and invited me to the wedding, which is about 2,000 miles away.. She also invited some other neighbors and I doubt if any of them will go. She has nothing to do with them either. Should we all be sending gifts if we are not going?
For people who are good with writing poetry: I need your help!? I am giving an engraved door knocker as a wedding gift. I am looking for a little poem to attach with it. I am wanting it to represent the door knocker & as they have different stages of life "knocking", they should remain as happy as they are on their wedding day. Engraved on the door knocker, I have "Bullock" "Est. 2006". I don't need anything all extravagant, just a little cute poem or rhyme.
What small gift would be good to give my orthodox jewish neighbors? I have the sweetest newly wed next door neighbors. They helped me when I was locked out of my apartment this weekend, and I want to give them a little gift to thank them. However, I am not sure what to give them. They are very conservative, and are kosher, and do not drink as far as I know. She is 5 months pregnant, and seems to like all things trendy and chic (she loooves cupcakes). I was thinking a cupcake cookbook, but can't find any that are kosher (would it be bad to get her one that was not kosher?). Or maybe some decorations for cupcakes? Everything I've seen on the internet related to kosher baking and cooking seems sort of dated. And I am reluctant to get anything for the baby. Any ideas?
Have any of you who live in small towns been invited to wedding or baby showers where over 100 people are..... invited and the number of gifts is obscene?? I went to a baby shower a couple of weeks ago and there were about 20 hostesses and over 140 people registered at the door. They got clothes that the baby will outgrow before she can ever wear them. All I could think about was the young girls having babies now who don't have a pot to p!ss in and their families don't have the money to even throw a shower, much less to invite over 100 people. And now, I am invited to a wedding shower with the same type of deal going on. Gifts, gifts, gifts, you wouldn't be invited if they didn't expect a gift.
What should I give my orthodox jewish neighbors? I have the sweetest newly wed next door neighbors. They helped me when I was locked out of my apartment this weekend, and I want to give them a little gift to thank them. However, I am not sure what to give them. They are very conservative, kosher, and I do not know their interests. She is 5 months pregnant, and seems to like all things trendy and chic (she loooves cupcakes). I was thinking a cupcake cookbook, but can't find any that are kosher (would it be bad to get her one that was not kosher?). Or maybe some decorations for cupcakes? Everything I've seen on the internet related to kosher baking and cooking seems sort of dated. They do love their puppy, and he works a lot. And I am reluctant to get anything for the baby. Any ideas?
Poll: Did you like The Oddysey or The Iliad better? I liked the Iliad better. This was my favorite part: Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another. And which of the gods was it that set them on to quarrel? It was the son of Jove and Leto; for he was angry with the king and sent a pestilence upon the host to plague the people, because the son of Atreus had dishonoured Chryses his priest. Now Chryses had come to the ships of the Achaeans to free his daughter, and had brought with him a great ransom: moreover he bore in his hand the sceptre of Apollo wreathed with a suppliant's wreath and he besought the Achaeans, but most of all the two sons of Atreus, who were their chiefs. "Sons of Atreus," he cried, "and all other Achaeans, may the gods who dwell in Olympus grant you to sack the city of Priam, and to reach your homes in safety; but free my daughter, and accept a ransom for her, in reverence to Apollo, son of Jove." On this the rest of the Achaeans with one voice were for respecting the priest and taking the ransom that he offered; but not so Agamemnon, who spoke fiercely to him and sent him roughly away. "Old man," said he, "let me not find you tarrying about our ships, nor yet coming hereafter. Your sceptre of the god and your wreath shall profit you nothing. I will not free her. She shall grow old in my house at Argos far from her own home, busying herself with her loom and visiting my couch; so go, and do not provoke me or it shall be the worse for you." The old man feared him and obeyed. Not a word he spoke, but went by the shore of the sounding sea and prayed apart to King Apollo whom lovely Leto had borne. "Hear me," he cried, "O god of the silver bow, that protectest Chryse and holy Cilla and rulest Tenedos with thy might, hear me oh thou of Sminthe. If I have ever decked your temple with garlands, or burned your thigh-bones in fat of bulls or goats, grant my prayer, and let your arrows avenge these my tears upon the Danaans." Thus did he pray, and Apollo heard his prayer. He came down furious from the summits of Olympus, with his bow and his quiver upon his shoulder, and the arrows rattled on his back with the rage that trembled within him. He sat himself down away from the ships with a face as dark as night, and his silver bow rang death as he shot his arrow in the midst of them. First he smote their mules and their hounds, but presently he aimed his shafts at the people themselves, and all day long the pyres of the dead were burning. For nine whole days he shot his arrows among the people, but upon the tenth day Achilles called them in assembly- moved thereto by Juno, who saw the Achaeans in their death-throes and had compassion upon them. Then, when they were got together, he rose and spoke among them. "Son of Atreus," said he, "I deem that we should now turn roving home if we would escape destruction, for we are being cut down by war and pestilence at once. Let us ask some priest or prophet, or some reader of dreams (for dreams, too, are of Jove) who can tell us why Phoebus Apollo is so angry, and say whether it is for some vow that we have broken, or hecatomb that we have not offered, and whether he will accept the savour of lambs and goats without blemish, so as to take away the plague from us." With these words he sat down, and Calchas son of Thestor, wisest of augurs, who knew things past present and to come, rose to speak. He it was who had guided the Achaeans with their fleet to Ilius, through the prophesyings with which Phoebus Apollo had inspired him. With all sincerity and goodwill he addressed them thus:- "Achilles, loved of heaven, you bid me tell you about the anger of King Apollo, I will therefore do so; but consider first and swear that you will stand by me heartily in word and deed, for I know that I shall offend one who rules the Argives with might, to whom all the Achaeans are in subjection. A plain man cannot stand against the anger of a king, who if he swallow his displeasure now, will yet nurse revenge till he has wreaked it. Consider, therefore, whether or no you will protect me." And Achilles answered, "Fear not, but speak as it is borne in upon you from heaven, for by Apollo, Calchas, to whom you pray, and whose oracles you reveal to us, not a Danaan at our ships shall lay his hand upon you, while I yet live to look upon the face of the earth- no, not though you name Agamemnon himself, who is by far the foremost of the Achaeans." Thereon the seer spoke boldly. "The god," he said, "is angry neither about vow nor hecatomb, but for his priest's sake, whom Agamemnon has dishonoured, in that he would not free his daughter nor take a ransom for her; therefore has he sent these evils upon us, and will yet send others. He will not deliver the Danaans from this pestilence till Agamemnon has restored the girl without fee or ransom to her father, and has sent a holy hecatomb to Chryse. Thus we may perhaps appease him." With these words he sat down, and Agamemnon rose in anger. His heart was black with rage, and his eyes flashed fire as he scowled on Calchas and said, "Seer of evil, you never yet prophesied smooth things concerning me, but have ever loved to foretell that which was evil. You have brought me neither comfort nor performance; and now you come seeing among Danaans, and saying that Apollo has plagued us because I would not take a ransom for this girl, the daughter of Chryses. I have set my heart on keeping her in my own house, for I love her better even than my own wife Clytemnestra, whose peer she is alike in form and feature, in understanding and accomplishments. Still I will give her up if I must, for I would have the people live, not die; but you must find me a prize instead, or I alone among the Argives shall be without one. This is not well; for you behold, all of you, that my prize is to go elsewhither." And Achilles answered, "Most noble son of Atreus, covetous beyond all mankind, how shall the Achaeans find you another prize? We have no common store from which to take one. Those we took from the cities have been awarded; we cannot disallow the awards that have been made already. Give this girl, therefore, to the god, and if ever Jove grants us to sack the city of Troy we will requite you three and fourfold." Then Agamemnon said, "Achilles, valiant though you be, you shall not thus outwit me. You shall not overreach and you shall not persuade me. Are you to keep your own prize, while I sit tamely under my loss and give up the girl at your bidding? Let the Achaeans find me a prize in fair exchange to my liking, or I will come and take your own, or that of Ajax or of Ulysses; and he to whomsoever I may come shall rue my coming. But of this we will take thought hereafter; for the present, let us draw a ship into the sea, and find a crew for her expressly; let us put a hecatomb on board, and let us send Chryseis also; further, let some chief man among us be in command, either Ajax, or Idomeneus, or yourself, son of Peleus, mighty warrior that you are, that we may offer sacrifice and appease the the anger of the god." Achilles scowled at him and answered, "You are steeped in insolence and lust of gain. With what heart can any of the Achaeans do your bidding, either on foray or in open fighting? I came not warring here for any ill the Trojans had done me. I have no quarrel with them. They have not raided my cattle nor my horses, nor cut down my harvests on the rich plains of Phthia; for between me and them there is a great space, both mountain and sounding sea. We have followed you, Sir Insolence! for your pleasure, not ours- to gain satisfaction from the Trojans for your shameless self and for Menelaus. You forget this, and threaten to rob me of the prize for which I have toiled, and which the sons of the Achaeans have given me. Never when the Achaeans sack any rich city of the Trojans do I receive so good a prize as you do, though it is my hands that do the better part of the fighting. When the sharing comes, your share is far the largest, and I, forsooth, must go back to my ships, take what I can get and be thankful, when my labour of fighting is done. Now, therefore, I shall go back to Phthia; it will be much better for me to return home with my ships, for I will not stay here dishonoured to gather gold and substance for you." And Agamemnon answered, "Fly if you will, I shall make you no prayers to stay you. I have others here who will do me honour, and above all Jove, the lord of counsel. There is no king here so hateful to me as you are, for you are ever quarrelsome and ill affected. What though you be brave? Was it not heaven that made you so? Go home, then, with your ships and comrades to lord it over the Myrmidons. I care neither for you nor for your anger; and thus will I do: since Phoebus Apollo is taking Chryseis from me, I shall send her with my ship and my followers, but I shall come to your tent and take your own prize Briseis, that you may learn how much stronger I am than you are, and that another may fear to set himself up as equal or comparable with me." The son of Peleus was furious, and his heart within his shaggy breast was divided whether to draw his sword, push the others aside, and kill the son of Atreus, or to restrain himself and check his anger. While he was thus in two minds, and was drawing his mighty sword from its scabbard, Minerva came down from heaven (for Juno had sent her in the love she bore to them both), and seized the son of Peleus by his yellow hair, visible to him alone, for of the others no man could see her. Achilles turned in amaze, and by the fire that flashed from her eyes at once knew that she was Minerva. "Why are you here," said he, "daughter of aegis-bearing Jove? To see the pride of Agamemnon, son of Atreus? Let me tell you- and it shall surely be- he shall pay for this insolence with his life." And Minerva said, "I come from heaven, if you will hear me, to bid you stay your anger. Juno has sent me, who cares for both of you alike. Cease, then, this brawling, and do not draw your sword; rail at him if you will, and your railing will not be vain, for I tell you- and it shall surely be- that you shall hereafter receive gifts three times as splendid by reason of this present insult. Hold, therefore, and obey." "Goddess," answered Achilles, "however angry a man may be, he must do as you two command him. This will be best, for the gods ever hear the prayers of him who has obeyed them." He stayed his hand on the silver hilt of his sword, and thrust it back into the scabbard as Minerva bade him. Then she went back to Olympus among the other gods, and to the house of aegis-bearing Jove. But the son of Peleus again began railing at the son of Atreus, for he was still in a rage. "Wine-bibber," he cried, "with the face of a dog and the heart of a hind, you never dare to go out with the host in fight, nor yet with our chosen men in ambuscade. You shun this as you do death itself. You had rather go round and rob his prizes from any man who contradicts you. You devour your people, for you are king over a feeble folk; otherwise, son of Atreus, henceforward you would insult no man. Therefore I say, and swear it with a great oath- nay, by this my sceptre which shalt sprout neither leaf nor shoot, nor bud anew from the day on which it left its parent stem upon the mountains- for the axe stripped it of leaf and bark, and now the sons of the Achaeans bear it as judges and guardians of the decrees of heaven- so surely and solemnly do I swear that hereafter they shall look fondly for Achilles and shall not find him. In the day of your distress, when your men fall dying by the murderous hand of Hector, you shall not know how to help them, and shall rend your heart with rage for the hour when you offered insult to the bravest of the Achaeans." With this the son of Peleus dashed his gold-bestudded sceptre on the ground and took his seat, while the son of Atreus was beginning fiercely from his place upon the other side. Then uprose smooth-tongued Nestor, the facile speaker of the Pylians, and the words fell from his lips sweeter than honey. Two generations of men born and bred in Pylos had passed away under his rule, and he was now reigning over the third. With all sincerity and goodwill, therefore, he addressed them thus:- "Of a truth," he said, "a great sorrow has befallen the Achaean land. Surely Priam with his sons would rejoice, and the Trojans be glad at heart if they could hear this quarrel between you two, who are so excellent in fight and counsel. I am older than either of you; therefore be guided by me. Moreover I have been the familiar friend of men even greater than you are, and they did not disregard my counsels. Never again can I behold such men as Pirithous and Dryas shepherd of his people, or as Caeneus, Exadius, godlike Polyphemus, and Theseus son of Aegeus, peer of the immortals. These were the mightiest men ever born upon this earth: mightiest were they, and when they fought the fiercest tribes of mountain savages they utterly overthrew them. I came from distant Pylos, and went about among them, for they would have me come, and I fought as it was in me to do. Not a man now living could withstand them, but they heard my words, and were persuaded by them. So be it also with yourselves, for this is the more excellent way. Therefore, Agamemnon, though you be strong, take not this girl away, for the sons of the Achaeans have already given her to Achilles; and you, Achilles, strive not further with th